Mr. Pitiful
09-16-2004, 10:10 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You know that how you dress will inevitably send a message to those around you. In this case, Your message is HELP! HELP!!!
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today you will discover an astounding new use for bananas, and it will make you rich beyond your wildest dreams.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Uh oh. The cows have come home, and the fat lady is about to sing. Better come up with some new excuses, quick! You can do that while you're coping with the unpleasant result of the cows coming home.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will unconsciously find your self playing with your breakfast donut today, sticking your finger in the hole is not very sanitary. Also do not snitch a jelly donut, when nobody is looking. The chocolate frosted one is much better.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will realize soon that you've missed your true calling in life. That you actually wanted to be a brain surgeon all this time, but you never got your own brain to agree with you.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Avoid Mexican music, today. Give it up, Oh, and it’s the Mexican Hat Dance, not the Head Dance . Also, try to find what's making that nasty smell in the fridge, before it gets worse.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You will find that if you deliberately mispronounce "sir" as "sair", you can answer a lot of questions with either "yes air" or "nose hair."
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Time for a career change. Have you considered the exciting and lucrative career of "Mimic"? One of the nice perks about that is that you can wear ridiculous make-up and clothing which in your case is normal, without people laughing at you, well maybe..
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Having trouble sticking to that diet, aren't you? It's even harder when you see all those enticing commercials for fast food on TV. The trick to dealing with those is to use your imagination - mayonnaise becomes shaving cream, a burger becomes compressed compost, and everything else is coated with synthetic motor oil. Which, these days, is pretty close to the truth.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
That idea you've had rolling around in the back of your mind is about ready to go. If you leave it there much longer, it will start to decay - and there's nothing worse than a stinky mind.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will invent a new type of lingerie, and will make millions. The stripes are the key to your success. You will call it "Ze Bra".
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Bide your time, and don't do anything rash or in anger. Remember: Revenge is a dish best served cold, with a light bear claw sauce.
:D
PS.
If you enjoy my silly horoscopes, please let me know, by commenting on them, whether good or bad, at least it will let me know I'm not the only one reading them.
Also I'll be off for the weekend, see you Monday. And have a great Weekend!!
You know that how you dress will inevitably send a message to those around you. In this case, Your message is HELP! HELP!!!
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today you will discover an astounding new use for bananas, and it will make you rich beyond your wildest dreams.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Uh oh. The cows have come home, and the fat lady is about to sing. Better come up with some new excuses, quick! You can do that while you're coping with the unpleasant result of the cows coming home.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will unconsciously find your self playing with your breakfast donut today, sticking your finger in the hole is not very sanitary. Also do not snitch a jelly donut, when nobody is looking. The chocolate frosted one is much better.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will realize soon that you've missed your true calling in life. That you actually wanted to be a brain surgeon all this time, but you never got your own brain to agree with you.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Avoid Mexican music, today. Give it up, Oh, and it’s the Mexican Hat Dance, not the Head Dance . Also, try to find what's making that nasty smell in the fridge, before it gets worse.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You will find that if you deliberately mispronounce "sir" as "sair", you can answer a lot of questions with either "yes air" or "nose hair."
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Time for a career change. Have you considered the exciting and lucrative career of "Mimic"? One of the nice perks about that is that you can wear ridiculous make-up and clothing which in your case is normal, without people laughing at you, well maybe..
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Having trouble sticking to that diet, aren't you? It's even harder when you see all those enticing commercials for fast food on TV. The trick to dealing with those is to use your imagination - mayonnaise becomes shaving cream, a burger becomes compressed compost, and everything else is coated with synthetic motor oil. Which, these days, is pretty close to the truth.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
That idea you've had rolling around in the back of your mind is about ready to go. If you leave it there much longer, it will start to decay - and there's nothing worse than a stinky mind.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will invent a new type of lingerie, and will make millions. The stripes are the key to your success. You will call it "Ze Bra".
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Bide your time, and don't do anything rash or in anger. Remember: Revenge is a dish best served cold, with a light bear claw sauce.
:D
PS.
If you enjoy my silly horoscopes, please let me know, by commenting on them, whether good or bad, at least it will let me know I'm not the only one reading them.
Also I'll be off for the weekend, see you Monday. And have a great Weekend!!