Mr. Pitiful
09-21-2004, 12:22 AM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You will discover that your manager frequently played with a rubber chicken during his younger years. This will go a long ways towards explaining some of the things you'd been wondering about him, keep a good watch on those sneaky eyes.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You are about to have an unfortunate episode involving insects, grape Kool-Aide, and a revolving door. Oh and also, a stubborn umbrella that just won’t open, finally trashing it cause you just poked your eye with it.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Time to start looking for a new car. Try to find one with more personality, this time! (And less of a sense of humor.) That Yugo, you own, won’t go anymore. Try the new 2005 BMW, manufactured by GMC, of Calif. I heard there’re pretty good, and cheap. (Oh BTW, BMW, in this case, stands for;
Big Mexican Woman,
and GMC stands for
Good Mexican Cars
Yeah Right!!
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Today you will happen upon a prediction by Nostradamus which will scare the living daylights out of you. As well it should, although how a medieval seer foresaw your exact name is anybody's guess. Did they have MAD magazines then?
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Unknown to you, people think you are a wimp - just because of your weak handshake. You need to get one of those hand exercisers, and use it constantly for a few months. Then, crush their little hands into pulp! Just let me know ahead of time, please.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Excellent day to fidget. Or gidget, or pidget or snitch it, or the heck, just switch it.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Things haven't been going well for you lately, and you're sinking into a fairly ugly bit of self-pity. You merely need to count your blessings!
(1) You've got a tremendous talent, which some day may be in demand, on E-bay
(2) You're almost normal -- LOTS of people have extra appendages,
(3)...You haven’t pierced your forehead with a chain running from your nose, yet.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Say something completely ordinary, today, but follow it with "Get it?" and a big grin. For example, "I'm wearing shoes. Get it?" See who gets it. Just watch out you don’t get “it” instead , Avoid them.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
This may be a good time to take up squid farming. Provided that you can figure out what type of hat to wear, that is. Try some seaweed on your head, that should work. At least it should put you more into the sea environment
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
That new employee seems honest, and is a really hard worker - so who cares if she wants to wear a studded dog collar? And eats dog biscuits, on breaks, You'll have to draw the line at butt sniffing, though. But if it makes you feel good, then by all means do it.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Excellent day to shuffle your feet. Remember: it's OK to shuffle your feet or to shuffle your cards, but you should never shuffle your nose, or your butt, who knows it may not end up in the right place again.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Good day for political intrigue and underhanded sneakiness. Try to wear something appropriate to the occasion. Or if you wish, try your hand in politics, just remember these words, they work miracles , “I promise to_____” and that should get you anywhere, in politics.
:D
You will discover that your manager frequently played with a rubber chicken during his younger years. This will go a long ways towards explaining some of the things you'd been wondering about him, keep a good watch on those sneaky eyes.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You are about to have an unfortunate episode involving insects, grape Kool-Aide, and a revolving door. Oh and also, a stubborn umbrella that just won’t open, finally trashing it cause you just poked your eye with it.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Time to start looking for a new car. Try to find one with more personality, this time! (And less of a sense of humor.) That Yugo, you own, won’t go anymore. Try the new 2005 BMW, manufactured by GMC, of Calif. I heard there’re pretty good, and cheap. (Oh BTW, BMW, in this case, stands for;
Big Mexican Woman,
and GMC stands for
Good Mexican Cars
Yeah Right!!
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Today you will happen upon a prediction by Nostradamus which will scare the living daylights out of you. As well it should, although how a medieval seer foresaw your exact name is anybody's guess. Did they have MAD magazines then?
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Unknown to you, people think you are a wimp - just because of your weak handshake. You need to get one of those hand exercisers, and use it constantly for a few months. Then, crush their little hands into pulp! Just let me know ahead of time, please.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Excellent day to fidget. Or gidget, or pidget or snitch it, or the heck, just switch it.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Things haven't been going well for you lately, and you're sinking into a fairly ugly bit of self-pity. You merely need to count your blessings!
(1) You've got a tremendous talent, which some day may be in demand, on E-bay
(2) You're almost normal -- LOTS of people have extra appendages,
(3)...You haven’t pierced your forehead with a chain running from your nose, yet.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Say something completely ordinary, today, but follow it with "Get it?" and a big grin. For example, "I'm wearing shoes. Get it?" See who gets it. Just watch out you don’t get “it” instead , Avoid them.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
This may be a good time to take up squid farming. Provided that you can figure out what type of hat to wear, that is. Try some seaweed on your head, that should work. At least it should put you more into the sea environment
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
That new employee seems honest, and is a really hard worker - so who cares if she wants to wear a studded dog collar? And eats dog biscuits, on breaks, You'll have to draw the line at butt sniffing, though. But if it makes you feel good, then by all means do it.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Excellent day to shuffle your feet. Remember: it's OK to shuffle your feet or to shuffle your cards, but you should never shuffle your nose, or your butt, who knows it may not end up in the right place again.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Good day for political intrigue and underhanded sneakiness. Try to wear something appropriate to the occasion. Or if you wish, try your hand in politics, just remember these words, they work miracles , “I promise to_____” and that should get you anywhere, in politics.
:D