Mr. Pitiful
09-22-2004, 11:20 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Don't worry -- that fortune cookie was wrong. But that chickin fly lice was pretty good.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Itchy nose, watery eyes day, again. Just be glad you don't have to wear a spacesuit!
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Beware the Ides of March. Also, if you have a friend named "Brutus", it might behoove you to be a trifle more selective...
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
As Buckaroo Banzai said, "No matter where you go, there you are." Oddly, this will not be entirely the case for you, today.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will receive a "Dear John" letter from a loved one today, but much to your relief, your name isn't "John."
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Good day to make as much goulash as possible.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You will discover that you can see people's auras today, if you squint. That should be done in moderation, however, as many people object to being squinted at.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Excellent day, today. Unless today is your 15th birthday, of course, in which case you're destined to have a particularly embarassing episode involving a cat and an argyle sock.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will start having strange dreams of becoming an aquatic creature. Eventually, you'll spend nearly all your time in the water, and will attempt to get strangers to throw you fish.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You are being watched by a large penguin. Act normal.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Yesterday's bathtub mystery will be explained today. Still, you'll have no idea what to feed the penguin. Pizza might work, I'd think.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Excellent day to run a new metaphor up the flagpole, and see if anyone salutes.
:D
Don't worry -- that fortune cookie was wrong. But that chickin fly lice was pretty good.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Itchy nose, watery eyes day, again. Just be glad you don't have to wear a spacesuit!
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Beware the Ides of March. Also, if you have a friend named "Brutus", it might behoove you to be a trifle more selective...
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
As Buckaroo Banzai said, "No matter where you go, there you are." Oddly, this will not be entirely the case for you, today.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will receive a "Dear John" letter from a loved one today, but much to your relief, your name isn't "John."
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Good day to make as much goulash as possible.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You will discover that you can see people's auras today, if you squint. That should be done in moderation, however, as many people object to being squinted at.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Excellent day, today. Unless today is your 15th birthday, of course, in which case you're destined to have a particularly embarassing episode involving a cat and an argyle sock.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will start having strange dreams of becoming an aquatic creature. Eventually, you'll spend nearly all your time in the water, and will attempt to get strangers to throw you fish.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You are being watched by a large penguin. Act normal.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Yesterday's bathtub mystery will be explained today. Still, you'll have no idea what to feed the penguin. Pizza might work, I'd think.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Excellent day to run a new metaphor up the flagpole, and see if anyone salutes.
:D