Mr. Pitiful
09-23-2004, 10:39 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19) By careful detective work and a hidden pressure-sensitive scale, you will discover that the young woman next door weighs the same as a duck. Be careful! And if I were you, I'd put your duck on a diet.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20) Today will be Mexican Food day, for you. In fact, chances are better than 1 in 3 that someone will refer to you as "Frijole-breath" before the day is through.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20) You are being followed by a quiet, rugged man wearing cowboy boots, jeans, a large silver belt-buckle, a faded plaid flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and a Carmen Miranda hat. Perhaps you should hurry.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22) You will develop the extremely rare "Perkin's Disease", and will start having a strange compulsion to shoot things with tranquilizer darts, or sell insurance. Plus, you will try to trick your friend, "Jim", into wrestling a giant anaconda.
Leo (July 23 - August 22) Today you will have a sudden, somewhat irrational desire to drive to Camden, New Jersey, and visit the Soup Tureen Museum. Fortunately, you will restrain yourself.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22) Today you will discover a lot of money under your pillow! Unfortunately, it won't begin to cover the cost of the dentures that you will also discover a sudden need for.
Libra (September 22 - October 22) Today will be the best day of your life, if you can just remember ... Huh? ... now what was I going to say?? Hmmm. If you can just remember something really important. Otherwise, no. never mind, I forgot, Hmmm.weird.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) Good day to ponder the parable of the itsy bitsy spider, and the futility of climbing up water spouts during spring weather. You'll be able to apply this lesson to one of your current relationships.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) Beware of iguanas, lizards, and Tyranosaurs Rex’s today. Hey! At least I spelled it right.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) Today you will begin to have nagging doubts about your gender, but don’t worry, we all know what you are.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) You will inherit millions, I won’t say what. But it’s a nice thought.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20) You will be abducted by aliens from the planet Pluto, or I believe it’s Uranus. Any way they will experiment on you and then bring you back, you won’t even know what happened since you were unconscious all this time. Now you know where that big zit on your forehead came from.
:D
Taurus (April 20 - May 20) Today will be Mexican Food day, for you. In fact, chances are better than 1 in 3 that someone will refer to you as "Frijole-breath" before the day is through.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20) You are being followed by a quiet, rugged man wearing cowboy boots, jeans, a large silver belt-buckle, a faded plaid flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and a Carmen Miranda hat. Perhaps you should hurry.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22) You will develop the extremely rare "Perkin's Disease", and will start having a strange compulsion to shoot things with tranquilizer darts, or sell insurance. Plus, you will try to trick your friend, "Jim", into wrestling a giant anaconda.
Leo (July 23 - August 22) Today you will have a sudden, somewhat irrational desire to drive to Camden, New Jersey, and visit the Soup Tureen Museum. Fortunately, you will restrain yourself.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22) Today you will discover a lot of money under your pillow! Unfortunately, it won't begin to cover the cost of the dentures that you will also discover a sudden need for.
Libra (September 22 - October 22) Today will be the best day of your life, if you can just remember ... Huh? ... now what was I going to say?? Hmmm. If you can just remember something really important. Otherwise, no. never mind, I forgot, Hmmm.weird.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) Good day to ponder the parable of the itsy bitsy spider, and the futility of climbing up water spouts during spring weather. You'll be able to apply this lesson to one of your current relationships.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) Beware of iguanas, lizards, and Tyranosaurs Rex’s today. Hey! At least I spelled it right.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) Today you will begin to have nagging doubts about your gender, but don’t worry, we all know what you are.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) You will inherit millions, I won’t say what. But it’s a nice thought.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20) You will be abducted by aliens from the planet Pluto, or I believe it’s Uranus. Any way they will experiment on you and then bring you back, you won’t even know what happened since you were unconscious all this time. Now you know where that big zit on your forehead came from.
:D