Mr. Pitiful
09-27-2004, 02:14 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Excellent day to be sneaky and also obnoxious, which shouldn’t really be that difficult for you, in other words be yourself.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
A Ph.D. degree in parapsychology is in your future. Despite what you may have heard, however, the corresponding career path is not terribly rewarding. You will get to see a lot of furniture move by itself, of course, so that's a plus. You could do a little interior designing on the side.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Beware! Someone is about to come give you a hug, and a wet kiss, but watch out for those hands.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will dream about arrows with points on both ends, tonight, Did you drive on the wrong side on a one way street by any chance? You won't know what to make of the episode with the lime jello pudding, though.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will have a completely boring, uneventful day. Then you'll go home, eat the same thing you always eat, watch a re-run, and go to bed. Then you'll be visited by aliens, who will striptease for you, humm, I thought they were already naked.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
This will be a very happy week for you. And you know what they've been saying about that for thousands of years, don't you? "Happy Good! Me Like Happy!" Me Meet Happy! Me Rape Happy!”
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Birds figure heavily in your day, today. My advice? Wear a hat or carry your umbrella, and for god sakes don’t go around yelling the sky is falling!! Again.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You will unearth a small stone figurine of a nude lady, while digging in a garden. If you set it on your television and put a small bowl of fruit in front of it, those unsightly warts should clear up in a week or two. Otherwise you can just have dirty thoughts with it.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Good time to invest some time in self-improvement. Or if that seems like a mission impossible, you can always improve someone else. Oh sure, they may gripe about it at first, but they'll thank you later, They can’t be as hopeless as you are, sorry no offense..
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will develop the extremely rare "Hill Billy Syndrome Disease" and will start talking and dressing funny, and will also have an uncontrollable craving for Pork and Beans. Don’t worry this is only temporary a good shot of moonshine will cure you instantly.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will mortally offend a friend today when a hilarious joke pops unbidden into your mind during your friend's sad description of his problems. Meanie!
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will invent a new type of lingerie, and will make millions. You will call it, The Barb Wire Thong. (Ouch) People in leather will love it.'
:D
Excellent day to be sneaky and also obnoxious, which shouldn’t really be that difficult for you, in other words be yourself.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
A Ph.D. degree in parapsychology is in your future. Despite what you may have heard, however, the corresponding career path is not terribly rewarding. You will get to see a lot of furniture move by itself, of course, so that's a plus. You could do a little interior designing on the side.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Beware! Someone is about to come give you a hug, and a wet kiss, but watch out for those hands.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will dream about arrows with points on both ends, tonight, Did you drive on the wrong side on a one way street by any chance? You won't know what to make of the episode with the lime jello pudding, though.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will have a completely boring, uneventful day. Then you'll go home, eat the same thing you always eat, watch a re-run, and go to bed. Then you'll be visited by aliens, who will striptease for you, humm, I thought they were already naked.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
This will be a very happy week for you. And you know what they've been saying about that for thousands of years, don't you? "Happy Good! Me Like Happy!" Me Meet Happy! Me Rape Happy!”
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Birds figure heavily in your day, today. My advice? Wear a hat or carry your umbrella, and for god sakes don’t go around yelling the sky is falling!! Again.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You will unearth a small stone figurine of a nude lady, while digging in a garden. If you set it on your television and put a small bowl of fruit in front of it, those unsightly warts should clear up in a week or two. Otherwise you can just have dirty thoughts with it.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Good time to invest some time in self-improvement. Or if that seems like a mission impossible, you can always improve someone else. Oh sure, they may gripe about it at first, but they'll thank you later, They can’t be as hopeless as you are, sorry no offense..
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will develop the extremely rare "Hill Billy Syndrome Disease" and will start talking and dressing funny, and will also have an uncontrollable craving for Pork and Beans. Don’t worry this is only temporary a good shot of moonshine will cure you instantly.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will mortally offend a friend today when a hilarious joke pops unbidden into your mind during your friend's sad description of his problems. Meanie!
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will invent a new type of lingerie, and will make millions. You will call it, The Barb Wire Thong. (Ouch) People in leather will love it.'
:D