Mr. Pitiful
09-28-2004, 10:13 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You are about to scare several people out of their socks! It will turn out that they have very ugly and (phew!) stinky feet.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
While idly doodling on a notepad, today, you will accidentally draw a symbol sacred to an ancient voodoo deity, and will open a gap into part of the astral plane that is even less appealing than my home town.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You are about to start a band, with friends, which will be called "The Purple Grasshoppers." You will choose that name primarily because one of your group simply doesn't care for "Tight Buttocks" as a band name.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You are about to have an idea of almost mind-boggling brilliance, almost, Try to remain calm, or the excitement will do you in first.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Everyone you see will be "power walking" today. Ignore them -- they're just trying to get on your nerves.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you will be either snug as a bug in a rug, or smug as a thug on a drug. Hard to say for sure.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Noodle day, today! Have you tried some of those new "fresh" tomato-basil linguinies? Of course not. But today, you will!
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Today you will be overcome with a sudden strong urge to learn to play a wooden flute while cavorting around in the forest. I recommend you treat those separately at first. You'll find what you need under "Music, Instruction" and under "Cavorting, Instruction." Don't get talked into buying any cavorting supplies, though -- they're really only needed by professionals.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Today is a good day to crash through the underbrush, making loud snorting sounds. Beware of poachers, however.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Sadly, nobody will like your latest recipe invention. Perhaps the world isn't ready for a meatloaf smoothie?
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will quit your job, run away from home, and spend the rest of your days working on a shrimp trawler, under an assumed name. Personally, I think that's over-reacting.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Today you will suddenly realize how sensuous pudding can be. This will mark a turning point in your life.
:D
You are about to scare several people out of their socks! It will turn out that they have very ugly and (phew!) stinky feet.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
While idly doodling on a notepad, today, you will accidentally draw a symbol sacred to an ancient voodoo deity, and will open a gap into part of the astral plane that is even less appealing than my home town.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You are about to start a band, with friends, which will be called "The Purple Grasshoppers." You will choose that name primarily because one of your group simply doesn't care for "Tight Buttocks" as a band name.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You are about to have an idea of almost mind-boggling brilliance, almost, Try to remain calm, or the excitement will do you in first.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Everyone you see will be "power walking" today. Ignore them -- they're just trying to get on your nerves.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you will be either snug as a bug in a rug, or smug as a thug on a drug. Hard to say for sure.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Noodle day, today! Have you tried some of those new "fresh" tomato-basil linguinies? Of course not. But today, you will!
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Today you will be overcome with a sudden strong urge to learn to play a wooden flute while cavorting around in the forest. I recommend you treat those separately at first. You'll find what you need under "Music, Instruction" and under "Cavorting, Instruction." Don't get talked into buying any cavorting supplies, though -- they're really only needed by professionals.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Today is a good day to crash through the underbrush, making loud snorting sounds. Beware of poachers, however.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Sadly, nobody will like your latest recipe invention. Perhaps the world isn't ready for a meatloaf smoothie?
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will quit your job, run away from home, and spend the rest of your days working on a shrimp trawler, under an assumed name. Personally, I think that's over-reacting.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Today you will suddenly realize how sensuous pudding can be. This will mark a turning point in your life.
:D