Mr. Pitiful
09-29-2004, 11:15 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
A coworker is going to steal one of your best ideas and claim it as his own. That's about what you should expect, though, from a cow "orker."
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Good time to get your finances in order. Luckily, in your case that simply means putting the one dollar bill in front of the quarters, in your purse or wallet.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You need to stop accepting responsibility for your own life. Everything is actually the fault of that darned liberal media, you know. You'd be nearly perfect, or at least much thinner, if it wasn't for them.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will answer the phone today by shouting "You bloated sack of protoplasm!." Unfortunately, it's not your friend calling. It's your mother.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Your manager will be a twit, today, compared to yesterday, being a twat. That's ok, though -- it's what he's paid for.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you will be up the creek, but you will actually have a very large number of paddles with you, due to some excellent planning on your part. It’s always good to plan ahead.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Bad day to feed the Bengal tiger. Let someone else do it, today. Probably just an "off" batch of the Purina Tiger Chow, but why risk it?
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Beware of Poles. Particularly dark-haired women of Polish extraction. Due to an oddity of genetic significance, they will all be intensely silly for a few weeks.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Once you're that far behind, there's really no way to get caught up. You might as well do something fun instead. You can tell them I told you it was ok.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Good day to sleep in. A nap would work well today, too. Try to get to bed early. Aside from that, nothing too exciting today.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Several extremely hungry creatures will look at you strangely, today. Throw them a raisin cookie.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You need to work harder on your friendships. Why, you sometimes don't even like yourself that much, do you? Be nice to yourself this week - buy yourself some flowers or a nice gift. And stop suspecting yourself of having an ulterior motive!
:D
A coworker is going to steal one of your best ideas and claim it as his own. That's about what you should expect, though, from a cow "orker."
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Good time to get your finances in order. Luckily, in your case that simply means putting the one dollar bill in front of the quarters, in your purse or wallet.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You need to stop accepting responsibility for your own life. Everything is actually the fault of that darned liberal media, you know. You'd be nearly perfect, or at least much thinner, if it wasn't for them.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will answer the phone today by shouting "You bloated sack of protoplasm!." Unfortunately, it's not your friend calling. It's your mother.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Your manager will be a twit, today, compared to yesterday, being a twat. That's ok, though -- it's what he's paid for.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you will be up the creek, but you will actually have a very large number of paddles with you, due to some excellent planning on your part. It’s always good to plan ahead.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Bad day to feed the Bengal tiger. Let someone else do it, today. Probably just an "off" batch of the Purina Tiger Chow, but why risk it?
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Beware of Poles. Particularly dark-haired women of Polish extraction. Due to an oddity of genetic significance, they will all be intensely silly for a few weeks.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Once you're that far behind, there's really no way to get caught up. You might as well do something fun instead. You can tell them I told you it was ok.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Good day to sleep in. A nap would work well today, too. Try to get to bed early. Aside from that, nothing too exciting today.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Several extremely hungry creatures will look at you strangely, today. Throw them a raisin cookie.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You need to work harder on your friendships. Why, you sometimes don't even like yourself that much, do you? Be nice to yourself this week - buy yourself some flowers or a nice gift. And stop suspecting yourself of having an ulterior motive!
:D