Mr. Pitiful
10-04-2004, 09:12 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Aries the moon is in your forecast for today, not only once, but several times. You will not get to see much of the moon itself because it will be too cloudy, but you will get mooned by a cat, a dog, and a fly. You lucky thing you.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
I see in my crystal balls, that you will be visited by an old high school friend of yours. This person will be bragging about how good he has done financially. So break out the tea, sodas, or beer, if I were you I would make a pitcher of Kool-aid instead, break out your wallet or check book also, cause this person is actually broke, and needs money. Good Luck.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Tiddly wink day. Or in other words, tiddle with your winky. Make it count.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Unbeknownst to thee, thou art over-fondish of archaic terms. Prithee, wouldst thou kindly desist? Or shall I sayist who thoust pissist in yourth wheatist
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Try to avoid calling anyone a "brown, coffee-nosed, malodorous pervert", today. (That can be taken the wrong way, I've discovered.) So say and run. Oh but the fun of it, priceless.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
What goes around will come around, depending on the size of the roundness, could take a little longer on some. Metaphorically speaking, that is.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
A person of Mexican descent will attempt to sell you a big huge sombrero and lyrics to the Mexican Hat Dance ,something you don't especially want, today. Strive to turn the conversation to Taco fillings -- you'll find it's his new hobby.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Noticing a picture on a colleague's desk, you will comment "I've never cared for those hairless cats." That might not be a good thing to say. Newborns can be a bit blotchy, and new parents can be a bit touchy...
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
After your completion of your novel, “The Curse Of The Mummy’s Toes,”
you will start work on another mystery novel, "The Curse Of The Mummy's Nose", told from the point of view of your cat, Erik.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Today someone sitting near you will make repeated nasal sounds that will eventually drive you screaming from the room. Try to avoid attacking them with a box of kleenex upon re-entering the room.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Good day to put a few kumquats, some of those teensy little ears of corn, and a few brussels sprouts in a tiny little bowl, and leave it on someone's doorstep with a tiny little note reading "Dear Big People...." I don’t especially appreciate stepping on my relatives, so please be more cautious where you walk.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Today you will stumble across conclusive proof that cilantro is actually the main ingredient in detergents and soaps, and that its culinary use started as a joke -- it's just that most people are too shy to admit that they'd rather spray Lysol on their burrito than put cilantro on it. Hummm yummy! Toilet flavored burritos.
Aries the moon is in your forecast for today, not only once, but several times. You will not get to see much of the moon itself because it will be too cloudy, but you will get mooned by a cat, a dog, and a fly. You lucky thing you.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
I see in my crystal balls, that you will be visited by an old high school friend of yours. This person will be bragging about how good he has done financially. So break out the tea, sodas, or beer, if I were you I would make a pitcher of Kool-aid instead, break out your wallet or check book also, cause this person is actually broke, and needs money. Good Luck.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Tiddly wink day. Or in other words, tiddle with your winky. Make it count.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Unbeknownst to thee, thou art over-fondish of archaic terms. Prithee, wouldst thou kindly desist? Or shall I sayist who thoust pissist in yourth wheatist
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Try to avoid calling anyone a "brown, coffee-nosed, malodorous pervert", today. (That can be taken the wrong way, I've discovered.) So say and run. Oh but the fun of it, priceless.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
What goes around will come around, depending on the size of the roundness, could take a little longer on some. Metaphorically speaking, that is.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
A person of Mexican descent will attempt to sell you a big huge sombrero and lyrics to the Mexican Hat Dance ,something you don't especially want, today. Strive to turn the conversation to Taco fillings -- you'll find it's his new hobby.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Noticing a picture on a colleague's desk, you will comment "I've never cared for those hairless cats." That might not be a good thing to say. Newborns can be a bit blotchy, and new parents can be a bit touchy...
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
After your completion of your novel, “The Curse Of The Mummy’s Toes,”
you will start work on another mystery novel, "The Curse Of The Mummy's Nose", told from the point of view of your cat, Erik.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Today someone sitting near you will make repeated nasal sounds that will eventually drive you screaming from the room. Try to avoid attacking them with a box of kleenex upon re-entering the room.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Good day to put a few kumquats, some of those teensy little ears of corn, and a few brussels sprouts in a tiny little bowl, and leave it on someone's doorstep with a tiny little note reading "Dear Big People...." I don’t especially appreciate stepping on my relatives, so please be more cautious where you walk.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Today you will stumble across conclusive proof that cilantro is actually the main ingredient in detergents and soaps, and that its culinary use started as a joke -- it's just that most people are too shy to admit that they'd rather spray Lysol on their burrito than put cilantro on it. Hummm yummy! Toilet flavored burritos.