Mr. Pitiful
10-05-2004, 09:21 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Great day to bring home a pet, no I don’t mean the two legged kind. My suggestion would be a crossed eyed baboon, Ooops, that’s your spouse, sorry. How about a Big Butt Bird? It just so happens I have one at home.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today you will wreck your brains out trying to figure out what your coworkers meant by voting you the person with the biggest Gluteous Maximus. Of The Month.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Today you will try to make Pizza, but you found out you’re out of cheese, and Tomato paste, no matter, Pizzas’ don’t have to have cheese on them, and try Ketchup, and you’ll end up with a king size soggy sweet red tortilla.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Noodle day #2! "The Revenge Of The Noodle." Today you will learn to make a really killer recipe for szechuan noodles, which will contain both chili-garlic paste and whole peanuts, and a side dish of peanut butter and jelly filled sardines. Oh wow! I think I just hit on something really yummy.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
It is a joyous time to vacuum. Yes, you'll have more fun than you can stand, pushing that new vac around. So what, if other people don't understand? Unfortunately, an evil asian gentleman named "Fu" will kidnap your beloved vacuum cleaner, a few years from now, and you will be faced with an ethical dilemma. Enjoy life while you still can, is my advice. Also check on your Chi, I think it needs some rearranging.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you must seek out the perfect noodle. Also, according to a recently reversed decision by Miss Betty Cracker, it's now perfectly ok to slurp noodles. (Or so I've been told.) Martha Steward also approves of it.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
This is a good day to bake. Cinnamon rolls would be good. Just remember to poke the dough once, and let out a silly giggle. Or perhaps some crunchy crusty bread. If you follow my advice, you will make friends and influence people. Otherwise a horrifying fate awaits you. No pressure, though. Do what your little heart wants for you. I’ll just note it in my get even memos.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Remember that those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it, and most do right after. Normally that's not a big deal, but since your accounting department just changed its name to "The Mongol Horde", you might take notice.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Ah ha! You will finally have an opportunity to use the word "cocodrillo" in casual conversation today! You will be discussing either bicycles or aircraft, at the time.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will write some office email soon that positively sparkles with comic irony and will also tickle your funny bone. You'll be asked to knock it off, and to get back to work. Also check under your desk, for that tickler.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Your mind will go blank today. (normal) You won't mind -- it'll be a refreshing change from the raging torrents of thoughts that have been pouring through you lately. Plus, you'll get to stretch out in a sunbeam and take a nice nap, while getting darker so as to play it off since you haven’t shower for a couple of days.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
This is a good time for you to start your on-line loan shark business. Start small, though. Try to be sort of a "loan piranha", at first, and then work your way up.
And so the wise one has spoken
Like my Bud Confusious use to tell me,
“You may not be the brightest bulb on the tree, but you do blink once in a while.”
:D
Great day to bring home a pet, no I don’t mean the two legged kind. My suggestion would be a crossed eyed baboon, Ooops, that’s your spouse, sorry. How about a Big Butt Bird? It just so happens I have one at home.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today you will wreck your brains out trying to figure out what your coworkers meant by voting you the person with the biggest Gluteous Maximus. Of The Month.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Today you will try to make Pizza, but you found out you’re out of cheese, and Tomato paste, no matter, Pizzas’ don’t have to have cheese on them, and try Ketchup, and you’ll end up with a king size soggy sweet red tortilla.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Noodle day #2! "The Revenge Of The Noodle." Today you will learn to make a really killer recipe for szechuan noodles, which will contain both chili-garlic paste and whole peanuts, and a side dish of peanut butter and jelly filled sardines. Oh wow! I think I just hit on something really yummy.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
It is a joyous time to vacuum. Yes, you'll have more fun than you can stand, pushing that new vac around. So what, if other people don't understand? Unfortunately, an evil asian gentleman named "Fu" will kidnap your beloved vacuum cleaner, a few years from now, and you will be faced with an ethical dilemma. Enjoy life while you still can, is my advice. Also check on your Chi, I think it needs some rearranging.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you must seek out the perfect noodle. Also, according to a recently reversed decision by Miss Betty Cracker, it's now perfectly ok to slurp noodles. (Or so I've been told.) Martha Steward also approves of it.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
This is a good day to bake. Cinnamon rolls would be good. Just remember to poke the dough once, and let out a silly giggle. Or perhaps some crunchy crusty bread. If you follow my advice, you will make friends and influence people. Otherwise a horrifying fate awaits you. No pressure, though. Do what your little heart wants for you. I’ll just note it in my get even memos.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Remember that those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it, and most do right after. Normally that's not a big deal, but since your accounting department just changed its name to "The Mongol Horde", you might take notice.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Ah ha! You will finally have an opportunity to use the word "cocodrillo" in casual conversation today! You will be discussing either bicycles or aircraft, at the time.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will write some office email soon that positively sparkles with comic irony and will also tickle your funny bone. You'll be asked to knock it off, and to get back to work. Also check under your desk, for that tickler.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Your mind will go blank today. (normal) You won't mind -- it'll be a refreshing change from the raging torrents of thoughts that have been pouring through you lately. Plus, you'll get to stretch out in a sunbeam and take a nice nap, while getting darker so as to play it off since you haven’t shower for a couple of days.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
This is a good time for you to start your on-line loan shark business. Start small, though. Try to be sort of a "loan piranha", at first, and then work your way up.
And so the wise one has spoken
Like my Bud Confusious use to tell me,
“You may not be the brightest bulb on the tree, but you do blink once in a while.”
:D