Can someone be destined to stay single just because she's large???

[Danielle]

here's her story . . .

Am I destined to walk the world alone, searching for Mr Right? Well... for some people who are fortunate to find someone, I am so happy for you... but for the rest of us single large women? are we to wonder the planet looking for that special someone to avoid living our lives alone? This is something that I have thought about for sometime now being a young single woman for over 4 years. .

and I think my main problem is because I'm LARGE. I dunno? Just like anyone else I have all the goods to offer a man and yet the only problem that seems to bombard me is the fact that I am large. Does size really matter?? well in my case yes it has? And its not a fact that I've tried to do something about my weight; it's the fact that for some people losing weight, it takes time?? why cant I find someone to love me for me? People say its not what you look on the outside, its what you are on the inside. However I beg to differ on this.

I mean, if its not for your looks then a guy may not give you the time of day to even consider talking to you because you don't look gorgeous? And then how is he to even notice your personality? And if your going to say that he's not meant for me, well geez there seems to be a lot of them not meant for me... Or should I be more social or something maybe I'm not searching in the right places?

Can someone tell me where am I meant to look? All I want is for someone to love me for me, is that asking for too much? or maybe I am destined to walk my life alone????

[Jasonh16]

Danielle,

I know how you feel. Until 4 years ago, I was large, myself and I found that girls wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. When I was in school, I would hear them complaining about what jerks the guys were but not one of them took the time to find out that I was nothing like those other guys. In fact, based on the description of what they wanted, as far as personality, I was the perfect guy. Unfortunately, however, I was never more than just a "sweet friend" to any of them. As unfair as it is, the fact remains that size does matter.
Now I'd like to say some more uplifting words, if I may. I've lost 170 pounds in the past 4 years and, before you start guessing, no, I'm not going to say the girls are beating down my door! LOL No, the fact is, I'm still single. I've had a number of girls tell me I'm attractive and show some interest in me but they simply aren't compatible with me. It doesn't matter what I or they look like if we don't match.
I don't beleive that you are destined to live your life alone. I do beleive, however, that you need to spend a period of time alone in order to learn certain things about yourself (what those things are, I can't say since they're individual to everyone). I think everyting happens when you're ready and the time is right. Even if you want a relationship, that doesn't mean everything in your life is in place for it to happen. When it is, though, he'll come along and it won't matter what size you are because he'll see through that. Though I recognize that physical appearance plays a part in attraction, you certainly don't want a relationship based soley on how a person looks (either his appearance or yours).
The hard part is waiting but there's nothing you can do to force or hurry it along. Again, things don't happen because we want them to; they happen because it's time for them to. I hope this helps, even if a little.
Sincerely,
Jason

[Danielle]

thank you so much for sharing that Jason . . .
appreciate it much . . .
i will definitely let my friend read your letter . . .
im sure it would help her a lot . . .

[Jasonh16]

I hope it does help your friend, even if a little. Relationships are hard enough without having superficial things getting in the way and preventing them altogether.

Jason

[pypes]

Hi danielle,jason's letter says it all... My daughter is a big gurl.And she was so miserable going to school and being teased,and tormented because of her size.And being the object of all jokes. Dont get me wrong she had friends but never boyfriends like anyone else had..She was so depressed,I began to worry alot.I removed her from public schooling and she enrolled in internet home schooling..Got her more active in volunteering with the less fortunate,church and working at day care centers..Wow shes so much happier now. Shell be graduating a yr before her peers,with more credits.She already has a full-time job. Her self esteem is good and positive. And i almost forgot she has more guys callin to court her than most her friends can imagine.Shes even had a proposal. Shes always been told she has a wonderful personality and sense of humor.And beautiful in everyway. I know now she finaly believes it. And shes still a big girl. So No one is destined to be alone ,you just have to find the right one for you.It may take time but it will be worth it.(remember ..nothing good comes easy).And never settle for second best ,because YOUR worth it. Smiles to all pypes

[winnipegrev]

Its just too bad i guess, guys are flashy type people, we like clean fast lookin women, just like cars. Its hard to date a heavy chick when your friends girls arent heavy.

When they all get older it wont matter but right now its hard to find a guy who looks past the weight.

[pypes]

To WINNIPEGREV.....Boy thats very superficial....I guess that means.A girl could be a majorB---h and noone really likes her.But OH WAIT..SHE CAN HAVE A BOYFRIEND BECAUSE SHES THIN....christ what a way to think. ...........Well i guess that means their thinking only one thing.I wouldnt want to be someones eye candy.Id rather be alone......................................Peace PYPES.

[Jasonh16]

Pypes, I fully agree with you. If you're in a relationship just to show off how pretty, thin or sexy your girlfriend/boyfriend is, what kind of relationship do you have? A pretty shallow and superficial one that's doomed to fail. Now, I'm a guy and I don't view women like cars. I'm not looking for someone who's sleek and flashy. I want someone who has substance, personality, intelligence and, most importantly, is someone I connect with. Looks fade with age but personality lasts a lifetime. If you can find both, wonderful! However, if given a choice, it's best to go with personality. I've known many beautiful girls who have been complete jerks and, let me tell you, no amount of physcial beauty can make me want to put up with their attitude! But, that's just my opinion.
Jason

[chybellA]

Hi jason,,you couldnt of said it any better. I;m also glad to know that there are men like you out there in world..

[Jasonh16]

Thank you chybellA. Yeah, guys like me are out there, we're just few and far between.

[Jasonh16]

I've been told that I'm of a dying breed and I have to agree with that. Guys like me seem to be harder and harder to find but, at the same time, it almost seems that we're sought after less and less. Every girl says she wants a guy who is sweet, kind, generous attentive, romantic, etc. However, when it comes down to it, these are the guys who are ignored. Maybe guys like me are of a dying breed because we're becoming obsolete?

[lynn]

I sure hope not Jasonh16! There needs to be more sweet, kind, generous attentive guys. Some girls are fooled into the thinking that they can find a guy, and then change them into what they are looking for. When all along the guy that they were looking for was the guy that they ignored. ...Sad huh :(

[Jasonh16]

lynn, thank you for the compliment. You're right, though, so many girls are looking for a badboy she can change into a sweet guy. Problem is, it doesn't work that way. He's not going to change just because she wants him to. I don't understand why women don't get that concept.

[bleach]

There is no such thing as destination. Youre future and happyness is in your hands;) . It's just like waiting for a call. Sitting right next to the telephone. Don't be so impatient. He will come in your life sooner or later. If you think that your weight is not a big deal then others think it as well. Good luck!

[dangel]

Not necessarily. I used to struggle to stay thin, but after I met my husband, I started to gain a lot of weight the first couple of years we were living together. I was devasted but couldn't seem to lose any weight. He told me he liked me on the heavier side. What a relief! I was so lucky, I could eat whatever I wanted and not have to worry about staying thin. We got married 6 years ago and everything is still great. The only downside is that I have gotten so big. I sometimes think if I had a guy who put pressuer on me to stay thin I would not have gained so much weight.

I know a lot of guys would not give me a second thought at this size, and I've heard the nasty comments from people and even friends ("What have you done to yourself?"), but there are guys out there who can appreciate big girls like us.

[MsXPNSIV]

not all people are shallow, if someone doesnt want to be with you because of your size they wouldnt be worth the effort

[-D-BOY-]

i understand what you mean in a way danielle, not in the large sense but the alone sense. i havent had a relationship in sometime now, everytime i find someone they seem to not want a relationship so it goes out the window. i guess u feel like most people who are single, alone, and wondering what is the cause, no its not because ur large, did you think about the guys you are thinking about are not really ready for anything serious. you need to go out have a good time, not go out looking for guys, if you go out have a good time and enjoy yourself then u have accomplished a good night, had fun with friends and generally enjoyed yourself, if you go out looking for guys then every1 is generally 99% likely too fail. but trust me on this, if u go out for sheer excitement with friends, then u will more than likely find someone who is going too come talk 2 u, but going out deliberately too seek people to have a relationship isnt going to work. trust me ;) forget about trying too get with someone, forget about being lonely, go out enjoy urself with ur friends and let the guys come too u. so what if ur large, u can still have a good time and find a nice guy. but as for mr/mrs "right" i lost faith in that a long time ago. dont you do the same ;)

[lynn]

I agree with you -D-BOY-, when you said that you should not go out looking for a relationship. Just be yourself, and enjoy life. That will attract the type of person you are looking for. There is someone right now looking for the very thing that makes up your personality. :)

[david616098]

I think size doesnt matter that much what i think matters more is your attitude and personality . Really there will be guys who are just after a pretty face on their arm but there some guys out there who would date a fun loving woman irregardless of size .