Mr. Pitiful
10-10-2004, 11:46 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Good day to hold hands. If you don't currently have a spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend, you can probably find a fake "severed hand" at a magic supplies store. That might be a good thing to pick up in any case? You never know when it might come in handy.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today is a good day to exercise that special magic you have, of making funny faces. Try the one where you hold your breath for ten minutes. I particular like the shade of color you get when you perform that trick. Also the one you make after you have removed your dentures, that’s a winner.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Excellent day to start your new hobby. I recommend Belly Button Lint collection. You will find it very rewarding after a few years from now, who knows you could charge for exhibition.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Today you will decide to have a bit of illicit fun, and will slip bits of dry pasta into other people's pockets, shoes, etc., when they're not looking. My advice: don't get caught.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Oddly, despite the impression you gained from a television commercial, your new soap will not inspire unusual levels of grinning in the shower.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You've been complaining too much, lately. You might find more to enjoy in your life by watching a documentary about a lot of people starving to death in miserable third-world slums. I know that always cheers me right up!
Libra (September 22 - October 22
Another one of those excrutiatingly boring meetings today. Try to liven things up by summoning one of the people back from the dead.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21
Unleash the power you have chained inside you! Just don't let it make those annoying "yip yip yip" sounds or pee on the lawn, this time.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will have a grilled bolony cheese sandwich today, and a bowl of tomato soup. When nobody is looking you will secretly dunk your sandwich.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 22
Today you will become a digger. Dig, dig, dig. That's all you'll think of, for months. You will discover an amazingly large diamond, about 27 feet down, and will be fabulously rich after that. Not that you'll give me any credit, of course. Ingrate!
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Benjamin Franklin said: "If you would like to know the value of money, go and try to borrow some." You're not sure this is an accurate indicator of the value of things, however. At least not after having tried to borrow a toothbrush...
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Today you will receive a gift horse. Unfortunately, it will have a really horrendous case of gingivitis.
Good day to hold hands. If you don't currently have a spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend, you can probably find a fake "severed hand" at a magic supplies store. That might be a good thing to pick up in any case? You never know when it might come in handy.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today is a good day to exercise that special magic you have, of making funny faces. Try the one where you hold your breath for ten minutes. I particular like the shade of color you get when you perform that trick. Also the one you make after you have removed your dentures, that’s a winner.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Excellent day to start your new hobby. I recommend Belly Button Lint collection. You will find it very rewarding after a few years from now, who knows you could charge for exhibition.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Today you will decide to have a bit of illicit fun, and will slip bits of dry pasta into other people's pockets, shoes, etc., when they're not looking. My advice: don't get caught.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Oddly, despite the impression you gained from a television commercial, your new soap will not inspire unusual levels of grinning in the shower.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You've been complaining too much, lately. You might find more to enjoy in your life by watching a documentary about a lot of people starving to death in miserable third-world slums. I know that always cheers me right up!
Libra (September 22 - October 22
Another one of those excrutiatingly boring meetings today. Try to liven things up by summoning one of the people back from the dead.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21
Unleash the power you have chained inside you! Just don't let it make those annoying "yip yip yip" sounds or pee on the lawn, this time.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will have a grilled bolony cheese sandwich today, and a bowl of tomato soup. When nobody is looking you will secretly dunk your sandwich.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 22
Today you will become a digger. Dig, dig, dig. That's all you'll think of, for months. You will discover an amazingly large diamond, about 27 feet down, and will be fabulously rich after that. Not that you'll give me any credit, of course. Ingrate!
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Benjamin Franklin said: "If you would like to know the value of money, go and try to borrow some." You're not sure this is an accurate indicator of the value of things, however. At least not after having tried to borrow a toothbrush...
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Today you will receive a gift horse. Unfortunately, it will have a really horrendous case of gingivitis.