Mr. Pitiful
10-11-2004, 11:01 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Paper airplane day, today. Have as much fun as you can stand or sit -- tomorrow will be ugly. An old man with bad teeth and bad breath will whack you with his cane, as you walk past. He'll pretend it was an accident.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
As a joke today, you will get an alarmed expression on your face, crouch on someone's carpet, and start making disgusting "huck, huck!" sounds. The joke's on you, though, since they will insist that you eat some hairball remedy.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will have a visit from "The Scourge of Santo Poco." He's thin, small, balding, wears little round glasses, and dresses in a rumpled blue suit. Still you don't want to cross him. Just stay out of his way.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Nobody will notice your new haircut, which you will find intensely irritating. It's not as if you always had an iridescent green Mohawk, you know?
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Everyone you know will wear unmatched socks, today. Actually, it's stranger than you think -- they'll all members of a pagan cult, and this is Sock Swap Day.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will receive a painful bonk on the head, today, while riding the bus downtown. It's your own fault, though, for sitting in front of that trombone player.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You will hear a strange "clicking" sound today, as you are walking through the kitchen. Time to trim the toenails, don't you think?
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Today oddly you’ll will use the ever famous quote from “Gone With The Wind”, Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn, Why and to who? I’m not quite sure, all I know you’ll be wearing dark glasses for the next three days or so.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You are playing with fire at work, and you're likely to get burned. Why not strap a lot of fire extinguishers to yourself, and wear oven mitts? You might get some odd looks, but at least that way you'll be safe.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Remember: loose lips sink ships. The really strange thing is, nobody's ever been able to explain to me why ships have lips in the first place, especially if they're that risky.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Today you will lie to yourself. Amusingly, you will be completely taken in, and will be very annoyed later when the truth comes out.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
What you are about to do is wrong. Of course, you will only find that out much later. For now, enjoy yourself!
:D
Paper airplane day, today. Have as much fun as you can stand or sit -- tomorrow will be ugly. An old man with bad teeth and bad breath will whack you with his cane, as you walk past. He'll pretend it was an accident.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
As a joke today, you will get an alarmed expression on your face, crouch on someone's carpet, and start making disgusting "huck, huck!" sounds. The joke's on you, though, since they will insist that you eat some hairball remedy.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will have a visit from "The Scourge of Santo Poco." He's thin, small, balding, wears little round glasses, and dresses in a rumpled blue suit. Still you don't want to cross him. Just stay out of his way.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Nobody will notice your new haircut, which you will find intensely irritating. It's not as if you always had an iridescent green Mohawk, you know?
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Everyone you know will wear unmatched socks, today. Actually, it's stranger than you think -- they'll all members of a pagan cult, and this is Sock Swap Day.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will receive a painful bonk on the head, today, while riding the bus downtown. It's your own fault, though, for sitting in front of that trombone player.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You will hear a strange "clicking" sound today, as you are walking through the kitchen. Time to trim the toenails, don't you think?
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Today oddly you’ll will use the ever famous quote from “Gone With The Wind”, Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn, Why and to who? I’m not quite sure, all I know you’ll be wearing dark glasses for the next three days or so.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You are playing with fire at work, and you're likely to get burned. Why not strap a lot of fire extinguishers to yourself, and wear oven mitts? You might get some odd looks, but at least that way you'll be safe.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Remember: loose lips sink ships. The really strange thing is, nobody's ever been able to explain to me why ships have lips in the first place, especially if they're that risky.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Today you will lie to yourself. Amusingly, you will be completely taken in, and will be very annoyed later when the truth comes out.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
What you are about to do is wrong. Of course, you will only find that out much later. For now, enjoy yourself!
:D