frodar
10-12-2004, 09:59 AM
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic! Simply
pour a cup of boiling water down your throat
and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables
by getting someone else to hold them while
you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet
seat by simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: just cut yourself
and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing
the pressure in your veins.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will
prevent you from rolling over and going back
to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of
laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer
and you will forget about the
toothache.
Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life
really are:
You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it
doesn't move
and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does,
use the duct tape.
Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know
them.
Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another
chance.
And finally, be really nice to your family and friends;
you never know when you might need them to
empty your bedpan.
pour a cup of boiling water down your throat
and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables
by getting someone else to hold them while
you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet
seat by simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: just cut yourself
and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing
the pressure in your veins.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will
prevent you from rolling over and going back
to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of
laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer
and you will forget about the
toothache.
Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life
really are:
You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it
doesn't move
and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does,
use the duct tape.
Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know
them.
Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another
chance.
And finally, be really nice to your family and friends;
you never know when you might need them to
empty your bedpan.