Mr. Pitiful
08-22-2004, 05:46 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Excellent day to fly a kite shaped like a life-sized pterodactyl. Try to get it to hover just outside someone's office window. Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Good day to begin making a monster costume. Be sure to make it nice and comfy, since you will discover that you actually enjoy lounging around in it. Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Good day to buy chocolate for someone you love. Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will spend this week trying to get to the bottom of things. The good news is, you will succeed! The bad news is, the bottom of things is sometimes ugly, and often smells bad. Leo (July 23 - August 22)
A small packet containing 7 oddly-colored bean seeds will arrive in the mail today. There will be no return address, nor any indication of what they are. Only one way to find out... Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will go to a Chinese restaurant and decide to try something new. Don't do it! It's not as good as your favorite. Libra (September 22 - October 22)
A door-to-door arms dealer will stop by today. Although you won't be entirely sure how you let yourself get talked into it, you'll soon be the first on the block to own a rocket launcher. Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
In a savage reaction against what you view as New Age Wooly-Mindedness, you will write a best-selling book titled I'm Ok, You're A Twerp. Later, people will often regard you as having "defined" the current decade. Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Ooh! Oh. I should have warned you. I'm sorry. Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Things haven't been going well for you lately, and you're sinking into a fairly ugly bit of self-pity. You merely need to count your blessings! (1) You've got a tremendous talent, which some day may be in demand, (2) You're almost normal -- LOTS of people have extra appendages, (3)... Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will casually mention the German term for "exit ramp", and bring a conversation to a rapid close. That's hardly your fault, though, is it? Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Dorothy Parker once said "if you can't say anything nice, come sit next to me." Today that will be strangely relevant to your own situation.
Excellent day to fly a kite shaped like a life-sized pterodactyl. Try to get it to hover just outside someone's office window. Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Good day to begin making a monster costume. Be sure to make it nice and comfy, since you will discover that you actually enjoy lounging around in it. Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Good day to buy chocolate for someone you love. Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will spend this week trying to get to the bottom of things. The good news is, you will succeed! The bad news is, the bottom of things is sometimes ugly, and often smells bad. Leo (July 23 - August 22)
A small packet containing 7 oddly-colored bean seeds will arrive in the mail today. There will be no return address, nor any indication of what they are. Only one way to find out... Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will go to a Chinese restaurant and decide to try something new. Don't do it! It's not as good as your favorite. Libra (September 22 - October 22)
A door-to-door arms dealer will stop by today. Although you won't be entirely sure how you let yourself get talked into it, you'll soon be the first on the block to own a rocket launcher. Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
In a savage reaction against what you view as New Age Wooly-Mindedness, you will write a best-selling book titled I'm Ok, You're A Twerp. Later, people will often regard you as having "defined" the current decade. Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Ooh! Oh. I should have warned you. I'm sorry. Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Things haven't been going well for you lately, and you're sinking into a fairly ugly bit of self-pity. You merely need to count your blessings! (1) You've got a tremendous talent, which some day may be in demand, (2) You're almost normal -- LOTS of people have extra appendages, (3)... Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will casually mention the German term for "exit ramp", and bring a conversation to a rapid close. That's hardly your fault, though, is it? Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Dorothy Parker once said "if you can't say anything nice, come sit next to me." Today that will be strangely relevant to your own situation.