Mr. Pitiful
10-13-2004, 11:36 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You will spend another day with clowns to your left and jokers to your right, or perhaps by well meaning but idiotic folks, who will drone on and on until your smile becomes forced, and you will begin to look like a deranged rodent.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Good day to take up Rap music as a career. Either that or a preacher (Most people are strangely unaware of the similarities.) Practice on your hand and arm gestures, that’s a plus.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Today you will realize that your biggest problem is indecisiveness. Or possibly procrastination. Tomorrow may be a better day to figure out which.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will start having strange dreams of becoming an aquatic creature. Eventually, you'll spend nearly all your time in the water, and will attempt to get strangers to throw you fish. And also be fascinated into performing at Sea World.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Today you will get very dirty. Actually, though, it will be rather fun.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you will notice yet another large freshly-dug mound of dirt in your neighbor's back yard. It's probably nothing -- he probably just digs at night if he can't get to sleep. I know I do.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today you will wonder where idiomatic expressions come from, and whether you can start one yourself. Be careful, though. The first person to say "nothing succeeds like success" must have sounded like a real idiot.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Hmm. Hard to read this one. The carrot stopped right between "kidnapped and tortured" and "wins the lottery." Probably a little of both, I'd guess.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Not only is this a good day to throw a tantrum, but there's a good chance that you might set a new distance record!
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Drip, drip, drip. Dunno. Something like that will be in your life, soon. I'll bet it's something good!
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will discover that you can see people's auras today, if you squint. That should be done in moderation, however, as many people object to being squinted at.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
A moth the size of a Boeing 747 will erupt from a nearby hillside today, and go off to help a huge semi-aquatic rubbery dinosaur fight off an alien attack. So what are you doing to help?
:D
You will spend another day with clowns to your left and jokers to your right, or perhaps by well meaning but idiotic folks, who will drone on and on until your smile becomes forced, and you will begin to look like a deranged rodent.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Good day to take up Rap music as a career. Either that or a preacher (Most people are strangely unaware of the similarities.) Practice on your hand and arm gestures, that’s a plus.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Today you will realize that your biggest problem is indecisiveness. Or possibly procrastination. Tomorrow may be a better day to figure out which.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will start having strange dreams of becoming an aquatic creature. Eventually, you'll spend nearly all your time in the water, and will attempt to get strangers to throw you fish. And also be fascinated into performing at Sea World.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Today you will get very dirty. Actually, though, it will be rather fun.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you will notice yet another large freshly-dug mound of dirt in your neighbor's back yard. It's probably nothing -- he probably just digs at night if he can't get to sleep. I know I do.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today you will wonder where idiomatic expressions come from, and whether you can start one yourself. Be careful, though. The first person to say "nothing succeeds like success" must have sounded like a real idiot.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Hmm. Hard to read this one. The carrot stopped right between "kidnapped and tortured" and "wins the lottery." Probably a little of both, I'd guess.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Not only is this a good day to throw a tantrum, but there's a good chance that you might set a new distance record!
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Drip, drip, drip. Dunno. Something like that will be in your life, soon. I'll bet it's something good!
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will discover that you can see people's auras today, if you squint. That should be done in moderation, however, as many people object to being squinted at.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
A moth the size of a Boeing 747 will erupt from a nearby hillside today, and go off to help a huge semi-aquatic rubbery dinosaur fight off an alien attack. So what are you doing to help?
:D