Mr. Pitiful
08-23-2004, 02:37 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Excellent day to run your underwear up the flagpole, and see if anyone salutes. Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today you will find yourself boldly charging through life. That can actually get you in trouble, though, so you should really attempt to pay with cash. Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Nobody will understand you today, and it will be impossible to get the simplest idea across. For example, even such a basic concept as "please untie me and take this gag out of my mouth" will only cause people to stare at you in confusion. Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Good day to take up knitting, on horseback. Everyone needs an adventure. Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Outer space Aliens will land in Florida today. Unfortunately, nobody will be able to tell. Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Go find something flat, and scribble on it. People have been doing that for tens of thousands of years, and it's mostly been ok. Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today you will find a small speckled egg, shimmering a little, in the fireplace. If you keep it warm in a 350 degree oven for 3 weeks, it will hatch into a small dragon, and then eat you. Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Good day for political intrigue and underhanded sneakiness. Try to wear something appropriate to the occasion. Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Today will be a celebration of life, love, and art. Also, the start of a nagging fear that you'll find out something terribly unpleasant while doing your taxes. Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will be attacked by a man wielding a ham sandwich. Fortunately, you will remember your self-defense lessons, and should be able to drive him off using a bunch of celery. Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Hmm. Hard to read this one. The carrot stopped right between "catches horrible disfiguring disease" and "loses everything in major earthquake." I guess you can pick whichever one you want, in this case. Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Today Lady Luck will be with you, but don't get too confident, Mr Luck is not too far off, so behave. Try buying a lottery ticket, participate in a raffle, get some bubble gum from the gum machine, you're bound to win something.
:eek:
Excellent day to run your underwear up the flagpole, and see if anyone salutes. Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today you will find yourself boldly charging through life. That can actually get you in trouble, though, so you should really attempt to pay with cash. Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Nobody will understand you today, and it will be impossible to get the simplest idea across. For example, even such a basic concept as "please untie me and take this gag out of my mouth" will only cause people to stare at you in confusion. Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Good day to take up knitting, on horseback. Everyone needs an adventure. Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Outer space Aliens will land in Florida today. Unfortunately, nobody will be able to tell. Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Go find something flat, and scribble on it. People have been doing that for tens of thousands of years, and it's mostly been ok. Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today you will find a small speckled egg, shimmering a little, in the fireplace. If you keep it warm in a 350 degree oven for 3 weeks, it will hatch into a small dragon, and then eat you. Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Good day for political intrigue and underhanded sneakiness. Try to wear something appropriate to the occasion. Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Today will be a celebration of life, love, and art. Also, the start of a nagging fear that you'll find out something terribly unpleasant while doing your taxes. Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will be attacked by a man wielding a ham sandwich. Fortunately, you will remember your self-defense lessons, and should be able to drive him off using a bunch of celery. Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Hmm. Hard to read this one. The carrot stopped right between "catches horrible disfiguring disease" and "loses everything in major earthquake." I guess you can pick whichever one you want, in this case. Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Today Lady Luck will be with you, but don't get too confident, Mr Luck is not too far off, so behave. Try buying a lottery ticket, participate in a raffle, get some bubble gum from the gum machine, you're bound to win something.
:eek: