Mr. Pitiful
10-18-2004, 11:51 PM
Interstate 77 in Akron, Ohio shutdown after an armored truck flipped on the highway sending money everywhere after hitting another car head on and involving at least three other vehicles.
( Humm, I missed that one, Darn it)
Van Rossman's flatscreen Toshiba TV that includes a built-in
VCR, DVD and CD player sends out a distress signal picked up by a satellite and relayed to the Air Force Rescue Coordination Center.
Asda Supermarket giant has banned teenagers from buying eggs,
traditionally used as "trick or treat" missiles, in the run-up to Halloween. Asda spokeswoman said the store was trying to help "nip the problem in the bud".
Guatemalan prostitute soccer team that was formed to call attention
to their poor working conditions has lost 3-1 to policewomen. The women get paid as little as $2.50 for sex and complain of frequent police harassment, despite their profession being legal and widespread in Guatemala.
Useless Facts
In Milan, Italy, there is a law on the books that requires a smile on the face of all citizens at all times. Exemptions include time spent visiting patients in hospitals or attending funerals. Otherwise, the fine is $100 if they are seen in public without a smile on their face.
The minimum age set in the U.S. Constitution for the President of the United States is 35.
In Athens, Greece, a driver's license can be taken away by law if the driver is deemed either "unbathed" or "poorly dressed".
Impotence is grounds for divorce in 24 U.S. states.
The murder rate in the Unted States is 200 times greater than in Japan. In Japan no private citizen can buy a handgun legally.
Tips--
(Things you shouldn't say or do at a funeral)
1. Tell the widow you're not sure, but you think you saw the body move...
2. Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find your contact lens.
3. Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.
4. Promise the minister a hundred dollars if he doesn't keep a straight face while praising the deceased.
5. Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased.
6. At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.
7. Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.
8. Ask the widow to give you a kiss.
9. Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.
10. Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin
Useful sayings
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
If it weren't for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
If the shoe fits...buy it in every color.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.
I hope you enjoy this little things I post, as much as I enjoy posting them here.
:D
( Humm, I missed that one, Darn it)
Van Rossman's flatscreen Toshiba TV that includes a built-in
VCR, DVD and CD player sends out a distress signal picked up by a satellite and relayed to the Air Force Rescue Coordination Center.
Asda Supermarket giant has banned teenagers from buying eggs,
traditionally used as "trick or treat" missiles, in the run-up to Halloween. Asda spokeswoman said the store was trying to help "nip the problem in the bud".
Guatemalan prostitute soccer team that was formed to call attention
to their poor working conditions has lost 3-1 to policewomen. The women get paid as little as $2.50 for sex and complain of frequent police harassment, despite their profession being legal and widespread in Guatemala.
Useless Facts
In Milan, Italy, there is a law on the books that requires a smile on the face of all citizens at all times. Exemptions include time spent visiting patients in hospitals or attending funerals. Otherwise, the fine is $100 if they are seen in public without a smile on their face.
The minimum age set in the U.S. Constitution for the President of the United States is 35.
In Athens, Greece, a driver's license can be taken away by law if the driver is deemed either "unbathed" or "poorly dressed".
Impotence is grounds for divorce in 24 U.S. states.
The murder rate in the Unted States is 200 times greater than in Japan. In Japan no private citizen can buy a handgun legally.
Tips--
(Things you shouldn't say or do at a funeral)
1. Tell the widow you're not sure, but you think you saw the body move...
2. Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find your contact lens.
3. Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.
4. Promise the minister a hundred dollars if he doesn't keep a straight face while praising the deceased.
5. Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased.
6. At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.
7. Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.
8. Ask the widow to give you a kiss.
9. Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.
10. Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin
Useful sayings
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
If it weren't for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
If the shoe fits...buy it in every color.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.
I hope you enjoy this little things I post, as much as I enjoy posting them here.
:D