Happy Days

[frodar]

To all my friends and family, Thank you for making me safe, secure, blessed
and wealthy by sending me your chain letters over the last year.

Because of your concern:

I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the
rat feces and urine.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer go to movies because I could sit on a needle infected with
AIDS.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get pricked
with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like a wet
dog on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and try to rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al
Qaida in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
American troops.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid
number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda,
Singapore and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogen's they contain will
turn me gay.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer look at the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and
leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I no longer have a cell phone bu t that will change once I receive my new
Ericcson phone.

I no longer have any sneakers but that will change once I receive my free
replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their
recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
for me.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl about to die
in the hospital for the 1,000th time.

I no longer have any money but that will change once I receive the $15,000
that Microsoft and AOL are sending me since I participated in their special
e-mail program.

I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me!

Now if you DON'T send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60
seconds a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 pm this
afternoon

[hotbars]

Funny Stuff!
I no longer have to go to eckerd's for drugs, peachtree for music, BooksaMillion for books, the bank, the post office, and I even got that extra 3 inches emailed to me via the internet... Isn't the internet cool...

Oh, and I just invested in a huge fortune from a man in zimbawa that is dying and wants to park his fortune in the US as the local athorities want to tax his worth by 50%. I will get the 50% instead. See ya later, have to go and send my 'good faith' deposit to him now :)

See ya in the Bahamas...
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