Mr. Pitiful
10-20-2004, 01:07 AM
Aries (March 21 - April 19) You will be visited by an old high school friend today, both of you will reminisce on the good old times until you find out it was this friend of yours that gave you that box of chocolates which turned out to be ex-lax, which you ate all night long. Memories that lasted you for a whole week.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will have a completely boring, uneventful day. But seems like it’s been like that all week long. Well try skateboarding, if that don’t work, at least you will more then likely wake up in a different environment, in a hospital bed.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Today you will meet someone with a really "cute" sneeze. And adorable bald head with a cross eyed look, a very sensual cough, a picturesque acne problem, great looking athlete’s foot problem and great set of dentures. And you will fall madly in love with this person…., Then you wake up…
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will encounter a big huge mosquito, the size of a buzzard, he will attack you and suck all your blood out, after which he will die because of the alcohol content in your blood, and you will have saved the world from disaster. He he he he, you can tell I’ve been watching too many science fiction movies, right?
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
In a rather bizarre and unfortunate turn of events today, your lips will go ballistic. Shortly thereafter, your Ziggy Marley accent will kick in. You will be comforted to know that those are simply the first two signs of a "spaz attack", which is more common than most people realize, and usually non-fatal.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will go into business making those little sugar packets that restaurants use, and make a fortune. The restaurants will have to use fewer of yours than anyone elses. Is it due to the pictures on the packets, of really fat people? Who knows.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Oh boy! Today you will find some cool shoes that you'd forgotten all about, in the back of your closet. Oddly, they no longer fit, and are at least 3 sizes too small. This may worry you.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
This is a good time to get out there and make a difference! I'm often tempted to do that, but I just can't figure out where "there" is -- every time I get there, it's here. Maybe if I run really fast? Oh well, if you figure it out, be sure to make a difference.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will discover a new "5th law" of Thermodynamics. The first law says "you can't win." The second law says "you can't break even." The 5th law, however, says "never draw to an inside straight." The sixth law is don’t cheat, cause then you’ll be in trouble with the law….J
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Today you will discover an astounding new use for celery, and it will make you rich beyond your wildest dreams. And if you add little peanut butter then you will be richer. Add some crackers, oh never mind, I’m getting hungry…
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
A hive of naked mole rats will move in with you today. You will find that they are relatively tidy creatures, but that it's a trifle difficult to explain their presence to your friends.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Good day to learn a new trick for dealing with people who come by your home to try to sell you something. Open the door v..e..r..y slowly, and squint at them. Then resume sharpening a large kitchen knife, while they are talking at you.
:D
Have a Great Day
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will have a completely boring, uneventful day. But seems like it’s been like that all week long. Well try skateboarding, if that don’t work, at least you will more then likely wake up in a different environment, in a hospital bed.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Today you will meet someone with a really "cute" sneeze. And adorable bald head with a cross eyed look, a very sensual cough, a picturesque acne problem, great looking athlete’s foot problem and great set of dentures. And you will fall madly in love with this person…., Then you wake up…
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will encounter a big huge mosquito, the size of a buzzard, he will attack you and suck all your blood out, after which he will die because of the alcohol content in your blood, and you will have saved the world from disaster. He he he he, you can tell I’ve been watching too many science fiction movies, right?
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
In a rather bizarre and unfortunate turn of events today, your lips will go ballistic. Shortly thereafter, your Ziggy Marley accent will kick in. You will be comforted to know that those are simply the first two signs of a "spaz attack", which is more common than most people realize, and usually non-fatal.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will go into business making those little sugar packets that restaurants use, and make a fortune. The restaurants will have to use fewer of yours than anyone elses. Is it due to the pictures on the packets, of really fat people? Who knows.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Oh boy! Today you will find some cool shoes that you'd forgotten all about, in the back of your closet. Oddly, they no longer fit, and are at least 3 sizes too small. This may worry you.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
This is a good time to get out there and make a difference! I'm often tempted to do that, but I just can't figure out where "there" is -- every time I get there, it's here. Maybe if I run really fast? Oh well, if you figure it out, be sure to make a difference.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will discover a new "5th law" of Thermodynamics. The first law says "you can't win." The second law says "you can't break even." The 5th law, however, says "never draw to an inside straight." The sixth law is don’t cheat, cause then you’ll be in trouble with the law….J
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Today you will discover an astounding new use for celery, and it will make you rich beyond your wildest dreams. And if you add little peanut butter then you will be richer. Add some crackers, oh never mind, I’m getting hungry…
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
A hive of naked mole rats will move in with you today. You will find that they are relatively tidy creatures, but that it's a trifle difficult to explain their presence to your friends.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Good day to learn a new trick for dealing with people who come by your home to try to sell you something. Open the door v..e..r..y slowly, and squint at them. Then resume sharpening a large kitchen knife, while they are talking at you.
:D
Have a Great Day