Mr. Pitiful
10-20-2004, 02:55 AM
T'Chacka Mshinda Thorpe, 25, was arrested in Lynchburg, Va., in May and charged with possession of cocaine after a brief chase; police caught up to him after Thorpe tripped on his low-riding baggy pants, fell, and fractured his femur.
Edney Raphael, 39, running from a stabbing in Philadelphia with a bloody knife in his hand, was captured following a foot chase; he had turned his head to see where the officers were and run smack into a parking meter.
A 20 year old protester was arrested in Montana after he assaulted a congress women from Iowa with a salmon.
Student Robert Ricketts, 19, had his head bloodied when he was struck by a Conrail train. He told police he was trying to see how close to the moving train he could place his head without getting hit.
Life's truths
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself
Things you shouldn't say to a cop
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (ok in texas)
Sorry, officer, i didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
Aren't you the guy from the village people?
Hey, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me.
Are you andy or barney?
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
I pay your salary!
Gee, officer, that's terrific! the last officer only gave me a warning, too!
Do you know why you pulled me over? okay, just so one of us does.
I was trying to keep up with traffic. yes, i know there are no other cars around, that's how far ahead of me they are.
When the officer says "gee son, your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" you probably shouldn't respond with,"gee officer your eyeslook glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
A wonderful relaxation technic
Picture yourself near a stream.
Birds are softly chirping in the crisp cool mountain air.
Nothing can bother you here.
No one knows this secret place.
You are in total seclusion from that place called "the world."
The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
The water is clear.
You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water.
Look.
It's the person who caused you all this stress in the first place.
What a pleasant surprise.
You let them up, just for a quick breath.
Then...ploop!
Back under they go...
You allow yourself as many deep breaths as you want.
There now... feeling better?
:)
Edney Raphael, 39, running from a stabbing in Philadelphia with a bloody knife in his hand, was captured following a foot chase; he had turned his head to see where the officers were and run smack into a parking meter.
A 20 year old protester was arrested in Montana after he assaulted a congress women from Iowa with a salmon.
Student Robert Ricketts, 19, had his head bloodied when he was struck by a Conrail train. He told police he was trying to see how close to the moving train he could place his head without getting hit.
Life's truths
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself
Things you shouldn't say to a cop
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (ok in texas)
Sorry, officer, i didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
Aren't you the guy from the village people?
Hey, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me.
Are you andy or barney?
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
I pay your salary!
Gee, officer, that's terrific! the last officer only gave me a warning, too!
Do you know why you pulled me over? okay, just so one of us does.
I was trying to keep up with traffic. yes, i know there are no other cars around, that's how far ahead of me they are.
When the officer says "gee son, your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" you probably shouldn't respond with,"gee officer your eyeslook glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
A wonderful relaxation technic
Picture yourself near a stream.
Birds are softly chirping in the crisp cool mountain air.
Nothing can bother you here.
No one knows this secret place.
You are in total seclusion from that place called "the world."
The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
The water is clear.
You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water.
Look.
It's the person who caused you all this stress in the first place.
What a pleasant surprise.
You let them up, just for a quick breath.
Then...ploop!
Back under they go...
You allow yourself as many deep breaths as you want.
There now... feeling better?
:)