Mr. Pitiful
10-21-2004, 12:22 AM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Excellent time to start a new company, making software to help people with mental problems. You will call it SchizoSoft Version 1. Your motto: "Who Do You Want To Be Today
Taurus (April 20 - May 20) You will have a secret rendezvous with a representative of a large foreign corporation. The password will be "fling me a spicy burrito, Stanley". Unfortunately, you may have to say this to quite a few people before you find the right one.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Let the golden sun of happiness burn away your inner fog of disgruntlement. Remember: gruntled people are more fun! At least that’s what I’m told.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Today you will have an argument with someone which I can’t really make out in my crystal ball, it’s too foggy and smeared with finger prints. Anyway the argument will go on for hours. But as talented and a genius person that you are, you will end it with this remark,” You don’t tug on Superman’s cape, you don’t spit against the wind, you don’t pull on The Lone Ranger mask, and you don’t mess around with Slim….. La da da la.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Today you will finally reach the breaking point, since that incessant pounding from your new neighbor's place is driving you nuts! You will storm over there, but what you find will be very bad news indeed. Your new neighbor is the Energizer Bunny.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you will read a bit of Shakespeare, and just before you fall asleep, you will think: "A duck, by any other name, would smell as foul." Never mix Shakespeare and chocolate ice cream. The results can be a trifle unpredictable and smelly.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Excellent day to just walk down the street, going "Doo wah ditty, ditty dum ditty doo". I'd stop short of taking a walk on the wild side, though. .
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Bad juju today. Stay well clear of West African carved figurines, shrunken heads, tooth necklaces, and witch doctors. This is a good time to practice your Drive Away Bad Spirit Dance. You know the one you did at the club last weekend .
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Several people, quite independently, will tell you moose jokes today, or otherwise attempt to discuss moose with you. This is their subtle way of telling you that you're having a "bad hair day." But most of all, avoid listening to the Moose mating call from any of them, that can get you in deep deep trouble.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
A friend will ask you to give her a ride to Main street. You'll forget where you're going, though, and drive her to Distraction.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will discover an odd amulet in an old curio shop, which is made entirely of holmium and yttrium, and which strongly interferes with the normal functioning of electronics. Best not to play with things like that.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will meet someone who you haven't seen in a long time, and will barely recognize them. At least not without the spiked collar and the whip.
Starting next week I will post my horoscopes in a less humorous manner. More down to earth style. I'll try that out to see how it works, Any comment on this is greatly appreciated. Thanks and
Have a Great Day!
:D
Excellent time to start a new company, making software to help people with mental problems. You will call it SchizoSoft Version 1. Your motto: "Who Do You Want To Be Today
Taurus (April 20 - May 20) You will have a secret rendezvous with a representative of a large foreign corporation. The password will be "fling me a spicy burrito, Stanley". Unfortunately, you may have to say this to quite a few people before you find the right one.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Let the golden sun of happiness burn away your inner fog of disgruntlement. Remember: gruntled people are more fun! At least that’s what I’m told.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Today you will have an argument with someone which I can’t really make out in my crystal ball, it’s too foggy and smeared with finger prints. Anyway the argument will go on for hours. But as talented and a genius person that you are, you will end it with this remark,” You don’t tug on Superman’s cape, you don’t spit against the wind, you don’t pull on The Lone Ranger mask, and you don’t mess around with Slim….. La da da la.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Today you will finally reach the breaking point, since that incessant pounding from your new neighbor's place is driving you nuts! You will storm over there, but what you find will be very bad news indeed. Your new neighbor is the Energizer Bunny.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you will read a bit of Shakespeare, and just before you fall asleep, you will think: "A duck, by any other name, would smell as foul." Never mix Shakespeare and chocolate ice cream. The results can be a trifle unpredictable and smelly.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Excellent day to just walk down the street, going "Doo wah ditty, ditty dum ditty doo". I'd stop short of taking a walk on the wild side, though. .
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Bad juju today. Stay well clear of West African carved figurines, shrunken heads, tooth necklaces, and witch doctors. This is a good time to practice your Drive Away Bad Spirit Dance. You know the one you did at the club last weekend .
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Several people, quite independently, will tell you moose jokes today, or otherwise attempt to discuss moose with you. This is their subtle way of telling you that you're having a "bad hair day." But most of all, avoid listening to the Moose mating call from any of them, that can get you in deep deep trouble.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
A friend will ask you to give her a ride to Main street. You'll forget where you're going, though, and drive her to Distraction.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will discover an odd amulet in an old curio shop, which is made entirely of holmium and yttrium, and which strongly interferes with the normal functioning of electronics. Best not to play with things like that.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will meet someone who you haven't seen in a long time, and will barely recognize them. At least not without the spiked collar and the whip.
Starting next week I will post my horoscopes in a less humorous manner. More down to earth style. I'll try that out to see how it works, Any comment on this is greatly appreciated. Thanks and
Have a Great Day!
:D