Mr. Pitiful
10-28-2004, 12:51 AM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Your mind will go blank today. You won't mind -- it'll be a refreshing change from the raging torrents of thoughts that have been pouring through you lately. Plus, you'll get to stretch out in a sunbeam and take a nice nap.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will hear a mysterious "whapping" sound as you are passing by a church today. Curiosity will get the better of you, and you will peek inside. To your relief you will discover it's only the nuns, playing a quick game of dodge-ball.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Today, someone named "Svlad" will appear at your door, carrying a large inflatable penguin and a bag of pistachio nuts. Despite your better judgement, you will let him in.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Today you will be seized with the urgent desire to buy a harmonica, which you will take everywhere with you, on one of those coat-hanger thingies around your neck.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Good day to wear overalls and discuss bean farming with retired people at a diner or family-style restaurant. Or at least, that's a lot more fun than what you'd be doing otherwise.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You'll be feeling tired and discouraged today, but will be able to raise your spirits by pretending to be a cartoon character. ACME products may be featured, as well.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
In a savage reaction against what you view as New Age Wooly-Mindedness, you will write a best-selling book titled I'm Ok, You're A Twerp. Later, people will often regard you as having "defined" the current decade.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You'll become part of the Formal Attire Resurgence movement. Be wary of the Casualist Party though - there's someone out there just dying to spit on your spats.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will tell a total stranger that you're "sick and tired of salad", today. The stranger will recoil in shock and horror.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Today you will flip a coin 4 times, and it will come up "heads", "tails", "heads", "heads." Then someone will come up and say "hey, whatcha doing?" Then the phone will ring. Just a coincidence, though, in this case.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Today you'll go buy a white jacket, and start working towards your dream: the resurgence of Disco! And you'll be successful, too! Yes, over the course of your life, you'll get literally several people interested.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Today you will be up the creek, but you will actually have a very large number of paddles with you, due to some excellent planning on your part.
:D
Your mind will go blank today. You won't mind -- it'll be a refreshing change from the raging torrents of thoughts that have been pouring through you lately. Plus, you'll get to stretch out in a sunbeam and take a nice nap.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will hear a mysterious "whapping" sound as you are passing by a church today. Curiosity will get the better of you, and you will peek inside. To your relief you will discover it's only the nuns, playing a quick game of dodge-ball.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Today, someone named "Svlad" will appear at your door, carrying a large inflatable penguin and a bag of pistachio nuts. Despite your better judgement, you will let him in.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Today you will be seized with the urgent desire to buy a harmonica, which you will take everywhere with you, on one of those coat-hanger thingies around your neck.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Good day to wear overalls and discuss bean farming with retired people at a diner or family-style restaurant. Or at least, that's a lot more fun than what you'd be doing otherwise.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You'll be feeling tired and discouraged today, but will be able to raise your spirits by pretending to be a cartoon character. ACME products may be featured, as well.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
In a savage reaction against what you view as New Age Wooly-Mindedness, you will write a best-selling book titled I'm Ok, You're A Twerp. Later, people will often regard you as having "defined" the current decade.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You'll become part of the Formal Attire Resurgence movement. Be wary of the Casualist Party though - there's someone out there just dying to spit on your spats.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will tell a total stranger that you're "sick and tired of salad", today. The stranger will recoil in shock and horror.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Today you will flip a coin 4 times, and it will come up "heads", "tails", "heads", "heads." Then someone will come up and say "hey, whatcha doing?" Then the phone will ring. Just a coincidence, though, in this case.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Today you'll go buy a white jacket, and start working towards your dream: the resurgence of Disco! And you'll be successful, too! Yes, over the course of your life, you'll get literally several people interested.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Today you will be up the creek, but you will actually have a very large number of paddles with you, due to some excellent planning on your part.
:D