Mr. Pitiful
10-29-2004, 12:10 AM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You will tend towards simplicity in your life. The Voluntary Simplicity movement has been gathering momentum lately, so you'll have plenty of company. And heck, who cares if it's "voluntary", right?
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will have a hunch, today. Perhaps you should try a firmer mattress?
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Good day to act extremely childish.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You must seize the opportunity that presents itself today, no matter what the consequences may be. Remember: opportunity knocks but once, and absolutely refuses to ring the doorbell.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
That bad smell in the closet will get stronger. Time to investigate.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Inspiration will strike you, and leave you for dead. The police will do nothing.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today you will lie to yourself. Amusingly, you will be completely taken in, and will be very annoyed later when the truth comes out.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Tomorrow is a good day to wear your lucky Rocketship underwear. Try not to leap into rooms while shouting "Hark!" however.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Good day to work on your catapult. You never know when it could come in handy. Besides, it's good to worry your neighbors a bit -- keeps them civil.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Today you will watch something like a hawk. Basically, you do that by having unblinking beady little eyes, and a brain the size of a peanut.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
As a joke, you will send off a resume for your dog to a company which wants to hire an extrusion manager. Surprisingly, he will not only get the job, but will earn more than you.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will realise soon that you've missed your true calling in life -- that of a New Vaudevillian, a theatrical marvel of the Age of Cable. Starting as "Professor Snibble and the Yodelling Pigs!", you'll rapidly achieve notoriety, and (much later, with a different act) respectability.
:D
You will tend towards simplicity in your life. The Voluntary Simplicity movement has been gathering momentum lately, so you'll have plenty of company. And heck, who cares if it's "voluntary", right?
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will have a hunch, today. Perhaps you should try a firmer mattress?
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Good day to act extremely childish.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You must seize the opportunity that presents itself today, no matter what the consequences may be. Remember: opportunity knocks but once, and absolutely refuses to ring the doorbell.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
That bad smell in the closet will get stronger. Time to investigate.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Inspiration will strike you, and leave you for dead. The police will do nothing.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today you will lie to yourself. Amusingly, you will be completely taken in, and will be very annoyed later when the truth comes out.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Tomorrow is a good day to wear your lucky Rocketship underwear. Try not to leap into rooms while shouting "Hark!" however.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Good day to work on your catapult. You never know when it could come in handy. Besides, it's good to worry your neighbors a bit -- keeps them civil.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Today you will watch something like a hawk. Basically, you do that by having unblinking beady little eyes, and a brain the size of a peanut.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
As a joke, you will send off a resume for your dog to a company which wants to hire an extrusion manager. Surprisingly, he will not only get the job, but will earn more than you.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will realise soon that you've missed your true calling in life -- that of a New Vaudevillian, a theatrical marvel of the Age of Cable. Starting as "Professor Snibble and the Yodelling Pigs!", you'll rapidly achieve notoriety, and (much later, with a different act) respectability.
:D