englishman in new york
10-31-2004, 12:00 PM
heres part 2, enjoy. and please let me know what you think.
He woke up the next day about 3 hours late for work, so he drove in, as he was, and pleaded with his boss not to fire him. After explaining the extreme events of the night before, his boss asks to see the piece of paper. “Are you sure you won’t just get mad and fire me when you read it.”
“Don’t be silly,” his boss replied, “no piece of paper is going to make me fire you.” So he reads it, hands it back and points to the door, “YOU’RE FIRED!” he bellowed. Not wanting to aggravate the situation he leaves and heads for his best friends house. When he gets there his friend invites him in and offers him a shower and some lunch. More than grateful, he accepts.
While eating the lunch he tells his friend about the previous days events, the fortune-teller, his girlfriend leaving him and trashing his flat, the barman barring him, his landlord kicking him out, and his boss firing him. “Well if you seriously aren’t going to read it until you’re about to die, can I see it?” asks his friend, “we’ve been best friends since we were little kids, no piece of paper can ruin that,”
He agrees and lets his friend read it. This piece of paper, however, did manage to ruin their friendship. His friend kicked him out of his house and told him the next time he wanted to see him was in the obituaries. He was almost reduced to tears again. Seeing that the only people who would see him anymore were his family, he decided to drive up north and see them.
He arrived at his parent’s house late in the afternoon, and after telling them the recent events they offer to let him spend some time there until he finds a new job and place to live. After several hours of talking he asks them to read the paper and tell him if they thought it deserved the reactions he had been getting. At first they declined, as if it was that bad they too could disown him like the rest, but he assured them noting in the world could do that, which they agreed with. They both read it and all of a sudden his mother burst into tears, and his father stood up with a look of sheer menace on his face. “You are a disgrace,” he proclaimed, ”I have no son! Now get out!” he took the paper from his father as he left and drove to the only family he had left - his sister. She had company when he arrived but seeing him in such a state she did what any big sister would do, sent her friend home and told her brother to make himself at home. He told her how their parents had kicked him out, how his best friend now hates him, how he was dumped, fired, evicted, and barred from the pub all since his visit to the fortune-teller just the day before. So she let him stay the night and would go out job-hunting with him the next day.
The next day, however, he was woken by his sister screaming at him. “I read that damn piece of paper of yours and I hope you get the chance to read it soon. Mum and dad were right, you don’t deserve to be a part of this family. Now piss off!” he scrambled out of bed, got dressed and left for his car, with his sister stopping him to slap him and shove the paper into his pocket. He drove back down south to where his ex-girlfriend lived, as she was the only person he could still talk to, but she had moved.
The last place he could afford to go was a cheap run-down motel. After telling the receptionist about the past two days, he thought it would be best not to show her the paper. He used the motel as a home for the next week and then had to sell his car to pay for another week there. He went out looking for a job during this week trying at the job centre, the zoo, the local council, the supermarket, and even the nearest farm. All of these ended dreadfully as one way or another his potential employers had read this piece of paper.
Deciding that his life was as good as over, he went to the army to see if they had anything to offer, they were going to allow him to become a soldier until they read the paper. So he tried the air force, and exactly the same thing happened. As a last resort he went to see if he could join the navy. He explained to the enrolment officer just how desperate he was, and that he didn’t care what he had to do. The navy representative asked to see the piece of paper to see what all the fuss was about, and after reading it, like all others who did, rage took over. However he controlled himself, bit his tongue, took a deep breath and said “okay, I can offer you something, as you are so desperate, it’s a two month survival training programme where you will spend this time alone on a desert island. After the two months we will collect you, if you have survived that is.”
“Yes, Yes, thank you. I’ll take it.”
So they take the man off to this island and leave him there to survive on nothing but the natural resources. Which he does, surviving off the fruits, fish and small animals on the island. The 2 months passed but the navy did not show up to pick him up, 3 months passed and still no sign of them. 6 months passed, a year passed, 2 years, 5 years, 10 years and still no sign of any rescue.
Eventually, after 15 years on the island, all the natural resources on the island had been depleted. There was no more food left, and the only water hole left was across scorching desert on the other side of the island. So he started his long trek, over burning sand in the intense heat of the sun, towards the only saviour on the island. Weak, dehydrated, and on the brink of death he crawls to the top of the final sand dune. He picks his head up to look at his destination, only to find a small puddle where the water hole used to be. To his despair, the only water on the island that could save his life has dried up. He rolled onto his back, watched the pair of vultures circling above him, and thought to himself ‘this is it, I’m going to die.’ Remembering the instructions given to him all those years ago by the fortune-teller, he decides to read the paper. With his last ounce of energy he reaches into his pocket, pulls out the piece of paper, unfolds it, holds it up, and a big gust of wind blows it away.
He woke up the next day about 3 hours late for work, so he drove in, as he was, and pleaded with his boss not to fire him. After explaining the extreme events of the night before, his boss asks to see the piece of paper. “Are you sure you won’t just get mad and fire me when you read it.”
“Don’t be silly,” his boss replied, “no piece of paper is going to make me fire you.” So he reads it, hands it back and points to the door, “YOU’RE FIRED!” he bellowed. Not wanting to aggravate the situation he leaves and heads for his best friends house. When he gets there his friend invites him in and offers him a shower and some lunch. More than grateful, he accepts.
While eating the lunch he tells his friend about the previous days events, the fortune-teller, his girlfriend leaving him and trashing his flat, the barman barring him, his landlord kicking him out, and his boss firing him. “Well if you seriously aren’t going to read it until you’re about to die, can I see it?” asks his friend, “we’ve been best friends since we were little kids, no piece of paper can ruin that,”
He agrees and lets his friend read it. This piece of paper, however, did manage to ruin their friendship. His friend kicked him out of his house and told him the next time he wanted to see him was in the obituaries. He was almost reduced to tears again. Seeing that the only people who would see him anymore were his family, he decided to drive up north and see them.
He arrived at his parent’s house late in the afternoon, and after telling them the recent events they offer to let him spend some time there until he finds a new job and place to live. After several hours of talking he asks them to read the paper and tell him if they thought it deserved the reactions he had been getting. At first they declined, as if it was that bad they too could disown him like the rest, but he assured them noting in the world could do that, which they agreed with. They both read it and all of a sudden his mother burst into tears, and his father stood up with a look of sheer menace on his face. “You are a disgrace,” he proclaimed, ”I have no son! Now get out!” he took the paper from his father as he left and drove to the only family he had left - his sister. She had company when he arrived but seeing him in such a state she did what any big sister would do, sent her friend home and told her brother to make himself at home. He told her how their parents had kicked him out, how his best friend now hates him, how he was dumped, fired, evicted, and barred from the pub all since his visit to the fortune-teller just the day before. So she let him stay the night and would go out job-hunting with him the next day.
The next day, however, he was woken by his sister screaming at him. “I read that damn piece of paper of yours and I hope you get the chance to read it soon. Mum and dad were right, you don’t deserve to be a part of this family. Now piss off!” he scrambled out of bed, got dressed and left for his car, with his sister stopping him to slap him and shove the paper into his pocket. He drove back down south to where his ex-girlfriend lived, as she was the only person he could still talk to, but she had moved.
The last place he could afford to go was a cheap run-down motel. After telling the receptionist about the past two days, he thought it would be best not to show her the paper. He used the motel as a home for the next week and then had to sell his car to pay for another week there. He went out looking for a job during this week trying at the job centre, the zoo, the local council, the supermarket, and even the nearest farm. All of these ended dreadfully as one way or another his potential employers had read this piece of paper.
Deciding that his life was as good as over, he went to the army to see if they had anything to offer, they were going to allow him to become a soldier until they read the paper. So he tried the air force, and exactly the same thing happened. As a last resort he went to see if he could join the navy. He explained to the enrolment officer just how desperate he was, and that he didn’t care what he had to do. The navy representative asked to see the piece of paper to see what all the fuss was about, and after reading it, like all others who did, rage took over. However he controlled himself, bit his tongue, took a deep breath and said “okay, I can offer you something, as you are so desperate, it’s a two month survival training programme where you will spend this time alone on a desert island. After the two months we will collect you, if you have survived that is.”
“Yes, Yes, thank you. I’ll take it.”
So they take the man off to this island and leave him there to survive on nothing but the natural resources. Which he does, surviving off the fruits, fish and small animals on the island. The 2 months passed but the navy did not show up to pick him up, 3 months passed and still no sign of them. 6 months passed, a year passed, 2 years, 5 years, 10 years and still no sign of any rescue.
Eventually, after 15 years on the island, all the natural resources on the island had been depleted. There was no more food left, and the only water hole left was across scorching desert on the other side of the island. So he started his long trek, over burning sand in the intense heat of the sun, towards the only saviour on the island. Weak, dehydrated, and on the brink of death he crawls to the top of the final sand dune. He picks his head up to look at his destination, only to find a small puddle where the water hole used to be. To his despair, the only water on the island that could save his life has dried up. He rolled onto his back, watched the pair of vultures circling above him, and thought to himself ‘this is it, I’m going to die.’ Remembering the instructions given to him all those years ago by the fortune-teller, he decides to read the paper. With his last ounce of energy he reaches into his pocket, pulls out the piece of paper, unfolds it, holds it up, and a big gust of wind blows it away.