Mr. Pitiful
11-10-2004, 01:01 AM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
An elderly gentleman next to you on the bus will spontaneously combust, today, and you'll become an instant celebrity when you put him out with a Slurpee (tm). Eventually, they'll make a prime-time TV drama about the incident.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today you'll have one of those baffling moments when you're sure you spelled a word correctly, but your spelling checker will still complain. Ask someone nearby how they spell it. They'll spell it the same way you do, much to your rolaids.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will combine a therapeutic technique based on rapid eye movement with yoga postures, creating something that looks so silly, passers by will actually fall over laughing.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Beware of the Spanish Inquisition, today. They may show up unexpectedly.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
At this point you have two choices: you can either get a haircut, or dye your hair white and black and pretend to be an old english sheepdog. The latter is usually more fun, but slightly less practical.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Someone will give you a card, today. It'll be nice.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today you will begin a new hobby: collecting spores, molds, and fungus. You will find it richly rewarding, in a spiritual sense.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
People will tease you about wearing your golf shoes indoors. Don't you mind them, though -- they're undoubtedly just jealous.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
A brilliant idea for a new hand tool will strike you today, but it will be years too late. People these days are much less likely to buy an "M.C. Hammer" than they would have been a few years ago. If you're really intent on being an inventor, you should come up with a "drum roll", which you can sell to Pillsbury. Ta dah dum.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will begin a bitter and drawn-out battle with a gopher. You don't stand a chance.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Fortune will smile upon you today! That's what it does when it's just thought up a real corker.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Excellent day, today. Unless today is your 15th birthday, of course, in which case you're destined to have a particularly embarassing episode involving a cat and an argyle sock.
:D
An elderly gentleman next to you on the bus will spontaneously combust, today, and you'll become an instant celebrity when you put him out with a Slurpee (tm). Eventually, they'll make a prime-time TV drama about the incident.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today you'll have one of those baffling moments when you're sure you spelled a word correctly, but your spelling checker will still complain. Ask someone nearby how they spell it. They'll spell it the same way you do, much to your rolaids.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will combine a therapeutic technique based on rapid eye movement with yoga postures, creating something that looks so silly, passers by will actually fall over laughing.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Beware of the Spanish Inquisition, today. They may show up unexpectedly.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
At this point you have two choices: you can either get a haircut, or dye your hair white and black and pretend to be an old english sheepdog. The latter is usually more fun, but slightly less practical.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Someone will give you a card, today. It'll be nice.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today you will begin a new hobby: collecting spores, molds, and fungus. You will find it richly rewarding, in a spiritual sense.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
People will tease you about wearing your golf shoes indoors. Don't you mind them, though -- they're undoubtedly just jealous.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
A brilliant idea for a new hand tool will strike you today, but it will be years too late. People these days are much less likely to buy an "M.C. Hammer" than they would have been a few years ago. If you're really intent on being an inventor, you should come up with a "drum roll", which you can sell to Pillsbury. Ta dah dum.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will begin a bitter and drawn-out battle with a gopher. You don't stand a chance.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Fortune will smile upon you today! That's what it does when it's just thought up a real corker.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Excellent day, today. Unless today is your 15th birthday, of course, in which case you're destined to have a particularly embarassing episode involving a cat and an argyle sock.
:D