Mr. Pitiful
11-14-2004, 10:11 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
It will occur to you to wonder, what if Jesus had actually said "The geek shall inherit the earth", but was just misquoted? Then you'll think of Bill Gates. Then you'll start to worry.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
This will be "one of those days", I'm afraid. The person next to you on the bus will have taken one of those nitroglycerin capsules for his heart condition, and will be bending over to pick up a newspaper, just as the bus hits a big pothole...
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Your requests are being ignored. Often you can get people to pay attention by simply adding a few words to the end of your request, such as "Pick up your socks, dear, or die screaming."
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Family problems again. It'll be just like that Rolling Stones song, about how you "Can't Always Get What You Wa-ant", except that in your case, you can replace one of the words with "Ever." Try being positive and future-focused. Also, pretend you don't speak English.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You are at a turning point in your life. Turn left.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
The bad news is, you're competing for that new job with a Hindu goddess. The good news is, if you think YOU have trouble figuring out what to do with your hands during an interview...
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today you will exercise self-discipline. It's about time, too! Your self-discipline was starting to get somewhat portly.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
At the same moment you read this, someone will be thinking about you and smiling. In a moment, they'll be laughing outright.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Good day to appreciate the beauty and wonder of life, and to see how far you can spit. Other people may find that incongrous, but you'll see the inner truth, and it will set you free.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
A coworker is going to steal one of your best ideas and claim it as his own. That's about what you should expect, though, from a cow "orker."
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Remember that silly song The Monster Mash? Beginning today, you will start sounding a lot like the lead singer in that song.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Don't go out today, without a spatula. I can't say more.
:D
It will occur to you to wonder, what if Jesus had actually said "The geek shall inherit the earth", but was just misquoted? Then you'll think of Bill Gates. Then you'll start to worry.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
This will be "one of those days", I'm afraid. The person next to you on the bus will have taken one of those nitroglycerin capsules for his heart condition, and will be bending over to pick up a newspaper, just as the bus hits a big pothole...
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Your requests are being ignored. Often you can get people to pay attention by simply adding a few words to the end of your request, such as "Pick up your socks, dear, or die screaming."
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Family problems again. It'll be just like that Rolling Stones song, about how you "Can't Always Get What You Wa-ant", except that in your case, you can replace one of the words with "Ever." Try being positive and future-focused. Also, pretend you don't speak English.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You are at a turning point in your life. Turn left.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
The bad news is, you're competing for that new job with a Hindu goddess. The good news is, if you think YOU have trouble figuring out what to do with your hands during an interview...
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today you will exercise self-discipline. It's about time, too! Your self-discipline was starting to get somewhat portly.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
At the same moment you read this, someone will be thinking about you and smiling. In a moment, they'll be laughing outright.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Good day to appreciate the beauty and wonder of life, and to see how far you can spit. Other people may find that incongrous, but you'll see the inner truth, and it will set you free.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
A coworker is going to steal one of your best ideas and claim it as his own. That's about what you should expect, though, from a cow "orker."
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Remember that silly song The Monster Mash? Beginning today, you will start sounding a lot like the lead singer in that song.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Don't go out today, without a spatula. I can't say more.
:D