Mr. Pitiful
11-21-2004, 12:58 AM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Excellent day to visit a bookstore. Try to find a book named "Make Money With Your Own Worm Farm." You don't need to read it, but it'll be fun to leave around where people will notice it.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You're in luck! What you thought was existential nausea is really only a mild case of salmonella poisoning. So you can sell back that Complete Works of Jean-Paul Sartre.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Nothing unusual today. Unless you count that episode with the iguana...
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will realise soon that you've missed your true calling in life -- that of a New Vaudevillian, a theatrical marvel of the Age of Cable. Starting as "Professor Snibble and the Yodelling Pigs!", you'll rapidly achieve notoriety, and (much later, with a different act) respectability.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
This might be a good time to learn how to really "flick" your fingers. You never know when a good flick will be needed. I'm betting it's soon, though, in your case.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
It's time to seriously consider indoor golf. How else are you going to use terms like "mashee" or "niblick" in casual conversation?
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
If you love someone, let them go. If you hate someone, grab 'em and hang on like a dog with a stick. Snarl a bit, too -- that's always fairly effective.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You are coming down with a truly horrendous cold. The kind of cold that makes everyone else miserable, just by looking at you. That's just the kind of inconsiderate behavior people are starting to expect from you, too.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
To your chagrin and horror, you will find yourself humming along with "muzac" in the grocery store. It's the beginning of the long slow slide, I'm afraid. Next stop: collecting "nick nacks."
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
A creature from the 7th dimension will become attached to your leg, and will be impossible to remove. Eventually, you'll simply get used to it.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will discover that by simply wearing a large amulet made of bones and feathers, and by carrying a blowgun, you can usually get a seat on public transportation, no matter how crowded it gets.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Beware of iguanas, today.
I'm sorry I haven't been around lately, but I'm still having PC problems. Hopefully I'll get this thing up and running soon....
:(
Excellent day to visit a bookstore. Try to find a book named "Make Money With Your Own Worm Farm." You don't need to read it, but it'll be fun to leave around where people will notice it.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You're in luck! What you thought was existential nausea is really only a mild case of salmonella poisoning. So you can sell back that Complete Works of Jean-Paul Sartre.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Nothing unusual today. Unless you count that episode with the iguana...
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will realise soon that you've missed your true calling in life -- that of a New Vaudevillian, a theatrical marvel of the Age of Cable. Starting as "Professor Snibble and the Yodelling Pigs!", you'll rapidly achieve notoriety, and (much later, with a different act) respectability.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
This might be a good time to learn how to really "flick" your fingers. You never know when a good flick will be needed. I'm betting it's soon, though, in your case.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
It's time to seriously consider indoor golf. How else are you going to use terms like "mashee" or "niblick" in casual conversation?
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
If you love someone, let them go. If you hate someone, grab 'em and hang on like a dog with a stick. Snarl a bit, too -- that's always fairly effective.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You are coming down with a truly horrendous cold. The kind of cold that makes everyone else miserable, just by looking at you. That's just the kind of inconsiderate behavior people are starting to expect from you, too.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
To your chagrin and horror, you will find yourself humming along with "muzac" in the grocery store. It's the beginning of the long slow slide, I'm afraid. Next stop: collecting "nick nacks."
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
A creature from the 7th dimension will become attached to your leg, and will be impossible to remove. Eventually, you'll simply get used to it.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will discover that by simply wearing a large amulet made of bones and feathers, and by carrying a blowgun, you can usually get a seat on public transportation, no matter how crowded it gets.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Beware of iguanas, today.
I'm sorry I haven't been around lately, but I'm still having PC problems. Hopefully I'll get this thing up and running soon....
:(