Mr. Pitiful
12-08-2004, 12:40 AM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Your car is possessed again, so you should swing by the exorcist on the way to work. I always hate it when mine is repossessed...
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
This is an excellent day to dare. Dare to eat a peach. Dare to wear your trousers rolled, and walk along the beach. Dare to be different. That sort of thing.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will mosey, this week. There's nothing that wrong with moseying, after all, and it's occasionally just what is needed. In fact, you'll soon begin work on "Mosey Your Way To Fitness", a best-selling self-help book on the topic.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will discover, today, that you can whistle and hum at the same time. This will entertain you for hours.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Good day to take up knitting, on horseback. Everyone needs an adventure.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Noodle day #2! "The Revenge Of The Noodle." Today you will learn to make a really killer recipe for szechuan noodles, which will contain both chili-garlic paste and whole peanuts.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today you will decide to have a bit of illicit fun, and will slip bits of dry pasta into other people's pockets, shoes, etc., when they're not looking. My advice: don't get caught.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Your next fortune cookie will say "See? We told you it taste like chicken!"
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Ian McHarg once said, "Man is a blind, witless, anthropocentric clod who inflicts lesions upon the earth." You will come up with a brilliant rebuttal to this, soon. You will say: "So?"
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Today one or more close relations will pout. You will stoicly endure this, and will steadfastly refuse to relinquish control of the remote control.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You'll have a freakish number of plumbing difficulties, today. This is due in part to the age of your plumbing fixtures, but mostly it's because Neckna, Queen of the Undines, has taken a strong dislike towards you, due to some rather harsh words you've had to say about the weather lately.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
It will occur to you to wonder, what if Jesus had actually said "The geek shall inherit the earth", but was just misquoted? Then you'll think of Bill Gates. Then you'll start to worry.
:D
Your car is possessed again, so you should swing by the exorcist on the way to work. I always hate it when mine is repossessed...
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
This is an excellent day to dare. Dare to eat a peach. Dare to wear your trousers rolled, and walk along the beach. Dare to be different. That sort of thing.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will mosey, this week. There's nothing that wrong with moseying, after all, and it's occasionally just what is needed. In fact, you'll soon begin work on "Mosey Your Way To Fitness", a best-selling self-help book on the topic.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will discover, today, that you can whistle and hum at the same time. This will entertain you for hours.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Good day to take up knitting, on horseback. Everyone needs an adventure.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Noodle day #2! "The Revenge Of The Noodle." Today you will learn to make a really killer recipe for szechuan noodles, which will contain both chili-garlic paste and whole peanuts.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today you will decide to have a bit of illicit fun, and will slip bits of dry pasta into other people's pockets, shoes, etc., when they're not looking. My advice: don't get caught.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Your next fortune cookie will say "See? We told you it taste like chicken!"
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Ian McHarg once said, "Man is a blind, witless, anthropocentric clod who inflicts lesions upon the earth." You will come up with a brilliant rebuttal to this, soon. You will say: "So?"
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Today one or more close relations will pout. You will stoicly endure this, and will steadfastly refuse to relinquish control of the remote control.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You'll have a freakish number of plumbing difficulties, today. This is due in part to the age of your plumbing fixtures, but mostly it's because Neckna, Queen of the Undines, has taken a strong dislike towards you, due to some rather harsh words you've had to say about the weather lately.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
It will occur to you to wonder, what if Jesus had actually said "The geek shall inherit the earth", but was just misquoted? Then you'll think of Bill Gates. Then you'll start to worry.
:D