Mr. Pitiful
08-25-2004, 05:23 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Your relatives may try to have you committed, today. Luckily, through a series of amusing misadventures, they will fail. You and your large invisible friend will simply shrug it off, of course, since it's not in your disposition to hold a grudge.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
If you aren't careful, you may accidentally insult someone by a poor choice of words, and hurt their feelings. In particular, the expression "hideously deformed" may not be as neutral as you believe.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
This might be a good time to refer to your roommate as "Watson" and say things like "The game's afoot!". Eventually, you'll be able to reconstruct an entire evening's events from a spilled drop of raspberry vinaigrette.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Beware the Ides of March. Also, if you have a friend named "Brutus", it might behoove you to be a trifle more selective...
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Dispite having a brilliant mind and a lot of terrific friends, you find yourself stagnating in a quiet backwater, with financial success nowhere in sight. You will go into business for yourself, however, making frozen Piroshki based on your grandmother's recipe, and will become rich and famous. Your grandmother will thwap you with her umbrella.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Remember today: two wrongs don't make a right. But three do.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You will become a bit nervous when you spot the Feldsteins, next door, doing a Bantu war dance. Perhaps you should call in sick today, and just stay indoors watching Wheel Of Fortune?
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Everyone around you will act silly, today -- whapping each other with floral matter, calling each other "Doctor", and doing Bantu war dances in the hallway. The most likely explanation is that there's a nitrous oxide leak somewhere.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will be "on the move", soon. Especially movements of a gastrointestinal nature, as it turns out. Good day to stay close to home.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will find a biography of some famous dead person, at a garage sale, and buy it on a whim. It will change your life. You will also soon take up bricklaying, as a hobby.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Today's a good day for original thinking and bursts of creativity. Also, not a good day to wear flammable clothing.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will get a new job, soon, in which your most important activity will be to periodically "jiggle a little thingie". While it will pay well, this will prove to be somewhat awkward to explain at parties. Eventually you will hit on the ploy of saying you sell insurance...
:D
Your relatives may try to have you committed, today. Luckily, through a series of amusing misadventures, they will fail. You and your large invisible friend will simply shrug it off, of course, since it's not in your disposition to hold a grudge.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
If you aren't careful, you may accidentally insult someone by a poor choice of words, and hurt their feelings. In particular, the expression "hideously deformed" may not be as neutral as you believe.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
This might be a good time to refer to your roommate as "Watson" and say things like "The game's afoot!". Eventually, you'll be able to reconstruct an entire evening's events from a spilled drop of raspberry vinaigrette.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Beware the Ides of March. Also, if you have a friend named "Brutus", it might behoove you to be a trifle more selective...
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Dispite having a brilliant mind and a lot of terrific friends, you find yourself stagnating in a quiet backwater, with financial success nowhere in sight. You will go into business for yourself, however, making frozen Piroshki based on your grandmother's recipe, and will become rich and famous. Your grandmother will thwap you with her umbrella.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Remember today: two wrongs don't make a right. But three do.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You will become a bit nervous when you spot the Feldsteins, next door, doing a Bantu war dance. Perhaps you should call in sick today, and just stay indoors watching Wheel Of Fortune?
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Everyone around you will act silly, today -- whapping each other with floral matter, calling each other "Doctor", and doing Bantu war dances in the hallway. The most likely explanation is that there's a nitrous oxide leak somewhere.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will be "on the move", soon. Especially movements of a gastrointestinal nature, as it turns out. Good day to stay close to home.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will find a biography of some famous dead person, at a garage sale, and buy it on a whim. It will change your life. You will also soon take up bricklaying, as a hobby.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Today's a good day for original thinking and bursts of creativity. Also, not a good day to wear flammable clothing.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will get a new job, soon, in which your most important activity will be to periodically "jiggle a little thingie". While it will pay well, this will prove to be somewhat awkward to explain at parties. Eventually you will hit on the ploy of saying you sell insurance...
:D