Mr. Pitiful
08-27-2004, 05:19 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Your requests are being ignored. Often you can get people to pay attention by simply adding a few words to the end of your request, such as "Pick up your socks, dear, or die screaming." Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
People will begin complimenting you on how clean you are. You will find this strangely irritating. Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Remember: loose lips sink ships. The really strange thing is, nobody's ever been able to explain to me why ships have lips in the first place, especially if they're that risky. Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Your neighbor thinks his dog is so smart, it's starting to bug you. The thing to do is cover a book with a book cover that says "Quantum Physics for Dogs", and train your dog to lay next to it, along a pad of paper covered with scribbled equations and a chewed-on pencil... Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You are being watched by a large penguin. in a trenchcoat, Act normal. Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Time for an excursion! Remember to pack some sandwiches, and carry a large ball of twine (it's easy to get lost in the city -- the twine should help). Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today you will rush around in a tizzy. It will be sort of fun, actually, since the tizzy handles well, and has more than enough power to make an exciting ride. Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Today you will discover the original version of the nursery rhyme: "Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon. The little dog laughed to see such fun, because he was mentally impaired." Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Good day to try impressing someone in authority. Why not show them how good you are at making under-arm noises? That's always good for making a lasting impression. Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
This is a good time to get out there and make a difference! I'm often tempted to do that, but I just can't figure out where "there" is -- every time I get there, it's here. Maybe if I run really fast? Oh well, if you figure it out, be sure to make a difference. Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
This might be a good time to decide what you want to be when you actually do grow up. I'm guessing that you'd be best off as either a yodeling oceanographer, or possibly a bovine pathologist. Or an underwater bubble maker.Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Old Neil Diamond songs will circle endlessly in your mind today. I recommend screaming and pounding your head on the table. If that doesn't work try listening to Tiny Tim's song tip-toe through the Tulips.
:D
Your requests are being ignored. Often you can get people to pay attention by simply adding a few words to the end of your request, such as "Pick up your socks, dear, or die screaming." Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
People will begin complimenting you on how clean you are. You will find this strangely irritating. Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Remember: loose lips sink ships. The really strange thing is, nobody's ever been able to explain to me why ships have lips in the first place, especially if they're that risky. Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Your neighbor thinks his dog is so smart, it's starting to bug you. The thing to do is cover a book with a book cover that says "Quantum Physics for Dogs", and train your dog to lay next to it, along a pad of paper covered with scribbled equations and a chewed-on pencil... Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You are being watched by a large penguin. in a trenchcoat, Act normal. Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Time for an excursion! Remember to pack some sandwiches, and carry a large ball of twine (it's easy to get lost in the city -- the twine should help). Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today you will rush around in a tizzy. It will be sort of fun, actually, since the tizzy handles well, and has more than enough power to make an exciting ride. Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Today you will discover the original version of the nursery rhyme: "Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon. The little dog laughed to see such fun, because he was mentally impaired." Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Good day to try impressing someone in authority. Why not show them how good you are at making under-arm noises? That's always good for making a lasting impression. Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
This is a good time to get out there and make a difference! I'm often tempted to do that, but I just can't figure out where "there" is -- every time I get there, it's here. Maybe if I run really fast? Oh well, if you figure it out, be sure to make a difference. Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
This might be a good time to decide what you want to be when you actually do grow up. I'm guessing that you'd be best off as either a yodeling oceanographer, or possibly a bovine pathologist. Or an underwater bubble maker.Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Old Neil Diamond songs will circle endlessly in your mind today. I recommend screaming and pounding your head on the table. If that doesn't work try listening to Tiny Tim's song tip-toe through the Tulips.
:D