Mr. Pitiful
04-14-2005, 11:48 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You will meet someone who you haven't seen in a long time, and will barely recognize them. At least not without the spiked collar and the whip. Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Your butler will quit, today, in a tiff. Since you can only view gif and jpeg, though, it will be quite some time before you realize that. Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Excellent day for light conversation. Good starting points might be "Have you ever thought much about death?" or "Where's the strangest place you ever had sex?." Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Today you will see a free floating full torso vaporous apparition! It'll turn out that your glasses are smudged. Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You still have way too much to do. You always have too much to do. If you were any more behind, you would be able to kick yourself. Ever try saying "no"? Sheesh. Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Deny everything. Libra (September 22 - October 22)
A hexapod robot will run away from its laboratory today, change its name to "Bob", and take up residence with you. Eventually, you'll become best friends. Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
A friend will ask your advice on a technical matter. If you answer, you'll be blamed. Pretend you don't know anything about it. Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You are being watched by a large penguin. Act normal. Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Today you will discover a little book called "1001 Names For Your Pet." You should probably name your next pet either "Pope John Paul" or "No Clothes On." That way you can say things like "Pope John Paul peed on the rug, again" or "I'm going for a walk with No Clothes On." Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Continue hiding. Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Excellent day to devour fruit, while making snarling sounds and glaring at persons nearby. Next, tear the heads off the carnations and stuff them partway up your nose, and make strange wuffling sounds while vigorously wiggling your eyebrows. Or don't, if you're going to be stuffy. It's your life.
:D
You will meet someone who you haven't seen in a long time, and will barely recognize them. At least not without the spiked collar and the whip. Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Your butler will quit, today, in a tiff. Since you can only view gif and jpeg, though, it will be quite some time before you realize that. Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Excellent day for light conversation. Good starting points might be "Have you ever thought much about death?" or "Where's the strangest place you ever had sex?." Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Today you will see a free floating full torso vaporous apparition! It'll turn out that your glasses are smudged. Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You still have way too much to do. You always have too much to do. If you were any more behind, you would be able to kick yourself. Ever try saying "no"? Sheesh. Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Deny everything. Libra (September 22 - October 22)
A hexapod robot will run away from its laboratory today, change its name to "Bob", and take up residence with you. Eventually, you'll become best friends. Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
A friend will ask your advice on a technical matter. If you answer, you'll be blamed. Pretend you don't know anything about it. Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You are being watched by a large penguin. Act normal. Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Today you will discover a little book called "1001 Names For Your Pet." You should probably name your next pet either "Pope John Paul" or "No Clothes On." That way you can say things like "Pope John Paul peed on the rug, again" or "I'm going for a walk with No Clothes On." Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Continue hiding. Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Excellent day to devour fruit, while making snarling sounds and glaring at persons nearby. Next, tear the heads off the carnations and stuff them partway up your nose, and make strange wuffling sounds while vigorously wiggling your eyebrows. Or don't, if you're going to be stuffy. It's your life.
:D