Mr. Pitiful
04-17-2005, 01:37 AM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Soon you will find yourself at another dull party, where the only person you know is who you came with. You'll need to use Tip #39 of my book "101 Ways To Break The Ice": Ask someone who they are, after introducing yourself. When they say their name, repeat it back to them as "YOU'RE Bill Smith???" "Uh, yes" "Well, you sure can't believe everything you hear, can you?" "What do you mean?" "Well, it's just that you don't look at ALL like a weasel, you know? Or at least, hardly at all." Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today old Monty Python skits will keep running, unbidden, through your mind. The only cure will be to be to drink a glass of a fine Australian wine, which has a bouquet like an aborigine's armpit. Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Your mind will go blank today. You won't mind -- it'll be a refreshing change from the raging torrents of thoughts that have been pouring through you lately. Plus, you'll get to stretch out in a sunbeam and take a nice nap. Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
A tricky situation will arise today, but you will rise to the challenge and draw it to a satisfactory conclusion. Oddly, you will hit upon the right thing to do by suddenly recalling an old Gilligan's Island episode. Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will tend towards simplicity in your life. The Voluntary Simplicity movement has been gathering momentum lately, so you'll have plenty of company. And heck, who cares if it's "voluntary", right? Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You are being followed by a man with an eye patch and a prosthetic limb. He, in turn, is being followed by a large reptile, which is making a ticking sound. Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Big career move today! Oddly, your decision will be somehow related to a pamphlet called "Goat Herding Made Easy." Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Someone nearby will make disgusting slurping sounds in your favorite restaurant. You'll retaliate by glaring pointedly, and by eating your linguini with your fingers. Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Today you will rush around in a tizzy. It will be sort of fun, actually, since the tizzy handles well, and has more than enough power to make an exciting ride. Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will be strangely drawn to an odd glass sculpture in an antique shop. The proprietor will show it to you with some hesitation, and will be visibly perspiring when you buy it. You'll hear an almost anguished sigh of relief from him, as you leave with it. Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You might have that mole on your back checked out. It may actually be a gopher. Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
In a savage reaction against what you view as New Age Wooly-Mindedness, you will write a best-selling book titled I'm Ok, You're A Twerp. Later, people will often regard you as having "defined" the current decade.
And Thankyou for your comments
:D
Soon you will find yourself at another dull party, where the only person you know is who you came with. You'll need to use Tip #39 of my book "101 Ways To Break The Ice": Ask someone who they are, after introducing yourself. When they say their name, repeat it back to them as "YOU'RE Bill Smith???" "Uh, yes" "Well, you sure can't believe everything you hear, can you?" "What do you mean?" "Well, it's just that you don't look at ALL like a weasel, you know? Or at least, hardly at all." Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today old Monty Python skits will keep running, unbidden, through your mind. The only cure will be to be to drink a glass of a fine Australian wine, which has a bouquet like an aborigine's armpit. Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Your mind will go blank today. You won't mind -- it'll be a refreshing change from the raging torrents of thoughts that have been pouring through you lately. Plus, you'll get to stretch out in a sunbeam and take a nice nap. Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
A tricky situation will arise today, but you will rise to the challenge and draw it to a satisfactory conclusion. Oddly, you will hit upon the right thing to do by suddenly recalling an old Gilligan's Island episode. Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will tend towards simplicity in your life. The Voluntary Simplicity movement has been gathering momentum lately, so you'll have plenty of company. And heck, who cares if it's "voluntary", right? Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You are being followed by a man with an eye patch and a prosthetic limb. He, in turn, is being followed by a large reptile, which is making a ticking sound. Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Big career move today! Oddly, your decision will be somehow related to a pamphlet called "Goat Herding Made Easy." Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Someone nearby will make disgusting slurping sounds in your favorite restaurant. You'll retaliate by glaring pointedly, and by eating your linguini with your fingers. Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Today you will rush around in a tizzy. It will be sort of fun, actually, since the tizzy handles well, and has more than enough power to make an exciting ride. Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will be strangely drawn to an odd glass sculpture in an antique shop. The proprietor will show it to you with some hesitation, and will be visibly perspiring when you buy it. You'll hear an almost anguished sigh of relief from him, as you leave with it. Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You might have that mole on your back checked out. It may actually be a gopher. Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
In a savage reaction against what you view as New Age Wooly-Mindedness, you will write a best-selling book titled I'm Ok, You're A Twerp. Later, people will often regard you as having "defined" the current decade.
And Thankyou for your comments
:D