Mr. Pitiful
04-19-2005, 12:04 AM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You've got to learn to slow down. You're driving yourself and everyone around you crazy. Just pretend that your life is a Prince Valiant comic strip.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will build a better mousetrap, but nobody will beat a path to your door. Several people will beat a path to your refrigerator, though, and will make sandwiches.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Good day to make a call from a pay-phone in a busy place, and say (in a loud voice) "You dumped the body WHERE?."
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
This may be a little late, but heck, late is better than never. You know when they said to shop naked? They meant shopping on-line...
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You are about to have an unfortunate episode involving insects, grape Kool-Aide, and a revolving door.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will go to a wedding soon, at which you will be uncomfortable. You'll have fun throwing rice, though. In fact, chances are good that you'll take up rice throwing as a hobby. "It's not just for weddings any more," you'll say.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You will hear a strange flapping sound today. Glancing outside, you will see a precision drill team marching by wearing scuba flippers and waving feather dusters. Avoid eye contact. Stay indoors.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You'll have a freakish number of plumbing difficulties, today. This is due in part to the age of your plumbing fixtures, but mostly it's because Neckna, Queen of the Undines, has taken a strong dislike towards you, due to some rather harsh words you've had to say about the weather lately.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Most people are aware that it's supposed to be good luck to toss a pinch of salt over your left shoulder. Today you will discover that it's even better luck to toss a carton of yogurt over your right shoulder.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Excellent day to refer to everyone as "Doctor." This will make them grin, and they'll forget all about that favor they were going to ask of you.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Nothing unusual today. Unless you count that episode with the iguana...
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will be misidentified, on national TV, as a renowned ichthyologist. Several people will call you, long distance, to ask about the mating habits of Tilapia.
:D
You've got to learn to slow down. You're driving yourself and everyone around you crazy. Just pretend that your life is a Prince Valiant comic strip.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will build a better mousetrap, but nobody will beat a path to your door. Several people will beat a path to your refrigerator, though, and will make sandwiches.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Good day to make a call from a pay-phone in a busy place, and say (in a loud voice) "You dumped the body WHERE?."
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
This may be a little late, but heck, late is better than never. You know when they said to shop naked? They meant shopping on-line...
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You are about to have an unfortunate episode involving insects, grape Kool-Aide, and a revolving door.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will go to a wedding soon, at which you will be uncomfortable. You'll have fun throwing rice, though. In fact, chances are good that you'll take up rice throwing as a hobby. "It's not just for weddings any more," you'll say.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You will hear a strange flapping sound today. Glancing outside, you will see a precision drill team marching by wearing scuba flippers and waving feather dusters. Avoid eye contact. Stay indoors.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You'll have a freakish number of plumbing difficulties, today. This is due in part to the age of your plumbing fixtures, but mostly it's because Neckna, Queen of the Undines, has taken a strong dislike towards you, due to some rather harsh words you've had to say about the weather lately.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Most people are aware that it's supposed to be good luck to toss a pinch of salt over your left shoulder. Today you will discover that it's even better luck to toss a carton of yogurt over your right shoulder.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Excellent day to refer to everyone as "Doctor." This will make them grin, and they'll forget all about that favor they were going to ask of you.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Nothing unusual today. Unless you count that episode with the iguana...
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will be misidentified, on national TV, as a renowned ichthyologist. Several people will call you, long distance, to ask about the mating habits of Tilapia.
:D