Mr. Pitiful
08-30-2004, 04:07 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Today you will be "mooned" by a cat. Fortunately, you won't notice. Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You'll feel a little tired and run down, today. Just a hunch, but that could explain those tire tracks on your shirt, as well... Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
This will be a day filled with tragically many sneezes. At least it'll be a good opportunity to learn how to sneeze "cute." Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
This might be a good time to refer to your roommate as "Watson" and say things like "The game's afoot!." Eventually, you'll be able to reconstruct an entire evening's events from a spilled drop of raspberry vinaigrette. Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will start having strange dreams of becoming an aquatic creature. Eventually, you'll spend nearly all your time in the water, and will attempt to get strangers to throw you fish. Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will make some new friends today. One of them will be on some sort of "sacred quest", which will make a good ice-breaker. ("So...what's with the coconuts?") Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Someone will stop you today, to ask directions. Tell them to take the second star to the right, and go straight on till morning. (I personally never ask for directions, since I find it's always much more effective to find someone who looks like they know where they're going, and follow them. I also always tell people that my name is "Svlad." It's something to do.) Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
It is a joyous time to vaccuum. Yes, you'll have more fun than you can stand, pushing that new vac around. So what, if other people don't understand? Unfortunately, an evil asian gentleman named "Fu" will kidnap your beloved vaccuum cleaner, a few years from now, and you will be faced with an ethical dilemma. Enjoy life while you still can, is my advice. Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Today you will discover that you can amuse your friends by pretending that your hand is a tsetse fly, and "walking" it along the table. Your friends are easily amused, as it turns out. Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will be accosted today by several of those people who think only of themselves, and who believe that "sharing" is something that little kids have to do. Despite this, I recommend against turning them over your knee and spanking them -- unless you think you can get away with it. Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Beware! Someone is about to come give you a hug. Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
A large cement dragon will appear to be following you, although you'll never actually see it move. Don't you just hate that?
:D
Today you will be "mooned" by a cat. Fortunately, you won't notice. Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You'll feel a little tired and run down, today. Just a hunch, but that could explain those tire tracks on your shirt, as well... Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
This will be a day filled with tragically many sneezes. At least it'll be a good opportunity to learn how to sneeze "cute." Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
This might be a good time to refer to your roommate as "Watson" and say things like "The game's afoot!." Eventually, you'll be able to reconstruct an entire evening's events from a spilled drop of raspberry vinaigrette. Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will start having strange dreams of becoming an aquatic creature. Eventually, you'll spend nearly all your time in the water, and will attempt to get strangers to throw you fish. Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will make some new friends today. One of them will be on some sort of "sacred quest", which will make a good ice-breaker. ("So...what's with the coconuts?") Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Someone will stop you today, to ask directions. Tell them to take the second star to the right, and go straight on till morning. (I personally never ask for directions, since I find it's always much more effective to find someone who looks like they know where they're going, and follow them. I also always tell people that my name is "Svlad." It's something to do.) Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
It is a joyous time to vaccuum. Yes, you'll have more fun than you can stand, pushing that new vac around. So what, if other people don't understand? Unfortunately, an evil asian gentleman named "Fu" will kidnap your beloved vaccuum cleaner, a few years from now, and you will be faced with an ethical dilemma. Enjoy life while you still can, is my advice. Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Today you will discover that you can amuse your friends by pretending that your hand is a tsetse fly, and "walking" it along the table. Your friends are easily amused, as it turns out. Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will be accosted today by several of those people who think only of themselves, and who believe that "sharing" is something that little kids have to do. Despite this, I recommend against turning them over your knee and spanking them -- unless you think you can get away with it. Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Beware! Someone is about to come give you a hug. Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
A large cement dragon will appear to be following you, although you'll never actually see it move. Don't you just hate that?
:D