Mr. Pitiful
08-29-2005, 08:41 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
A member of your family will be involved in a tragic accident with an electric nose-hair trimmer. This will affect your attitude towards product liability lawsuits. Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will have an enormously exciting day, today, compared to your usual day. You will find the prize in the cereal box. Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will be detained by the police today, on suspicion of having removed a tag from a mattress. Eventually they will let you go with just a warning. Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Someone will try to pass prawns off as shrimp, today, but you'll be far too clever for them. If anyone knows their crustaceans, it's you. Leo (July 23 - August 22)
The mythic asteroid Chaeron, in collaboration with the uneasy spirit of Atahualpa (the last Inca king), will act to produce a gastric upset of epic proportions, today. Keep your chakras clear, and carry some Immodium. Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you'll idly wonder what ever happened to Alan Alda, since his MASH days. Believe me, you don't want to know. Neither do I (and I don't). I just know that neither of us wants to. Libra (September 22 - October 22)
At the same moment you read this, someone will be thinking about you and smiling. In a moment, they'll be laughing outright. Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You've heard that when economists use the word "nice", they're actually saying that something is homoscedastic and nonautoregressive. Today you will find out what they mean when they say something is "like, totally kewl." Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Excellent time to race one of those little Shriners cars up and down the sidewalk twenty thousand million times. Also, you'll meet an angel, but don't let on that you know who she really is. Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Life is beginning to bet a bit stale, isn't it? Whenever that happens to me, I concoct some sort of prune-related recipe and send it off to the food editor of the local daily. You might give that a try. Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Good day to begin making a monster costume. Be sure to make it nice and comfy, since you will discover that you actually enjoy lounging around in it. Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You are being watched by a large penguin. Act normal.
:D
A member of your family will be involved in a tragic accident with an electric nose-hair trimmer. This will affect your attitude towards product liability lawsuits. Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will have an enormously exciting day, today, compared to your usual day. You will find the prize in the cereal box. Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will be detained by the police today, on suspicion of having removed a tag from a mattress. Eventually they will let you go with just a warning. Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Someone will try to pass prawns off as shrimp, today, but you'll be far too clever for them. If anyone knows their crustaceans, it's you. Leo (July 23 - August 22)
The mythic asteroid Chaeron, in collaboration with the uneasy spirit of Atahualpa (the last Inca king), will act to produce a gastric upset of epic proportions, today. Keep your chakras clear, and carry some Immodium. Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you'll idly wonder what ever happened to Alan Alda, since his MASH days. Believe me, you don't want to know. Neither do I (and I don't). I just know that neither of us wants to. Libra (September 22 - October 22)
At the same moment you read this, someone will be thinking about you and smiling. In a moment, they'll be laughing outright. Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You've heard that when economists use the word "nice", they're actually saying that something is homoscedastic and nonautoregressive. Today you will find out what they mean when they say something is "like, totally kewl." Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Excellent time to race one of those little Shriners cars up and down the sidewalk twenty thousand million times. Also, you'll meet an angel, but don't let on that you know who she really is. Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Life is beginning to bet a bit stale, isn't it? Whenever that happens to me, I concoct some sort of prune-related recipe and send it off to the food editor of the local daily. You might give that a try. Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Good day to begin making a monster costume. Be sure to make it nice and comfy, since you will discover that you actually enjoy lounging around in it. Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You are being watched by a large penguin. Act normal.
:D