Mr. Pitiful
08-31-2004, 03:28 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
The phrase "return your tray tables to the upright and locked position" will cycle endlessly through your mind, today. It's not serious. (But you should probably consider cutting down on the honey-roasted peanuts.) Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Someone will try to pass prawns off as shrimp, today, but you'll be far too clever for them. If anyone knows their crustaceans, it's you. Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
It's time to stop beating around the bush. Move on to beating around the ornamental shrubbery. Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You'll need to find a present soon - you're almost out of time. Try to find a good deal on a dibble. Everybody needs a dibble. Some people even like a double dibble, but if you ask me, that's going too far. Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Two people near you will engage in sudden, violent, rubber-band warfare. You will be caught in a crossfire, and severely thwapped. Next time, consider wearing protective headgear indoors. Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You are about to have an idea of almost mind-boggling brilliance. Try to remain calm. Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You will invent a new type of bath toy today. It will bring you fame and fortune, although it will also be the cause of an embarrassing appearance on the Letterman show. Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Big career move today! Oddly, your decision will be somehow related to a pamphlet called "Goat Herding Made Easy." Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will discover that you can see people's auras today, if you squint. That should be done in moderation, however, as many people object to being squinted at. Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Today you will flip a coin 4 times, and it will come up "heads", "tails", "heads", "heads." Then someone will come up and say "hey, whatcha doing?" Then the phone will ring. Just a coincidence, though, in this case. Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Someone will ask you what you want to do this weekend. That may seem like a good time to say "What am I, psychic?" It's not, though. Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Today is a good day to exercise that special magic you have, of making people smile. Try telling everyone "smile when you say that, buster", for example.
:D
The phrase "return your tray tables to the upright and locked position" will cycle endlessly through your mind, today. It's not serious. (But you should probably consider cutting down on the honey-roasted peanuts.) Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Someone will try to pass prawns off as shrimp, today, but you'll be far too clever for them. If anyone knows their crustaceans, it's you. Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
It's time to stop beating around the bush. Move on to beating around the ornamental shrubbery. Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You'll need to find a present soon - you're almost out of time. Try to find a good deal on a dibble. Everybody needs a dibble. Some people even like a double dibble, but if you ask me, that's going too far. Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Two people near you will engage in sudden, violent, rubber-band warfare. You will be caught in a crossfire, and severely thwapped. Next time, consider wearing protective headgear indoors. Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You are about to have an idea of almost mind-boggling brilliance. Try to remain calm. Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You will invent a new type of bath toy today. It will bring you fame and fortune, although it will also be the cause of an embarrassing appearance on the Letterman show. Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Big career move today! Oddly, your decision will be somehow related to a pamphlet called "Goat Herding Made Easy." Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will discover that you can see people's auras today, if you squint. That should be done in moderation, however, as many people object to being squinted at. Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Today you will flip a coin 4 times, and it will come up "heads", "tails", "heads", "heads." Then someone will come up and say "hey, whatcha doing?" Then the phone will ring. Just a coincidence, though, in this case. Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Someone will ask you what you want to do this weekend. That may seem like a good time to say "What am I, psychic?" It's not, though. Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Today is a good day to exercise that special magic you have, of making people smile. Try telling everyone "smile when you say that, buster", for example.
:D