Mr. Pitiful
09-09-2004, 10:56 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Today you will develop a type of rubber overshoe that looks like dinosaur's feet. They will become wildly popular, after your appearance on the Letterman show. Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will aquire a slight sniffle, today. (A sniffle is a cross between a dachshund and a cairn terrier, bred especially to spot helicopters.) Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Good day to wear tropical fruit on your head. Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Good day to let sleeping dogs lie. After all, the poor things seem to be completely exhausted, most of the time. My dog, Kee Kee, is asleep right now (after a good night's sleep, and a nice morning nap, followed by a good snooze). It's a tough life, but someone's got to do it. Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Today you will become a digger. Dig, dig, dig. That's all you'll think of, for months. You will discover an amazingly large diamond, about 27 feet down, and will be fabulously rich after that. Not that you'll give me any credit, of course. Ingrate! Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you will meet Klive Dinky, the proprietor of Klive Dinky's Tropical Dream Vacation, and Spa Salon. He will turn out to be much shorter than you ever imagined. Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today you will see a free floating full torso vaporous apparition! It'll turn out that your glasses are smudged. Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
The bad news is, you're competing for that new job with a Hindu goddess. The good news is, if you think YOU have trouble figuring out what to do with your hands during an interview... Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will be chased through the streets tonight by a group of wild-eyed short people wearing togas and playing kazoos. Be careful -- they may have escaped from a birthday party, and should be considered armed and dangerous. Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Today you will decide to have a bit of illicit fun, and will slip bits of dry pasta into other people's pockets, shoes, etc., when they're not looking. My advice: don't get caught. Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Good time to compliment your friends. If you can't think of anything else to say, tell them they're looking "very buff." That will leave them pleased, but slightly uneasy, and they'll spend a lot of time looking in the mirror. Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will begin making strange facial expressions, completely unconsciously, in which you push your lips out as far as possible. Also, you will begin spending hours staring at tropical fish.
:D
Today you will develop a type of rubber overshoe that looks like dinosaur's feet. They will become wildly popular, after your appearance on the Letterman show. Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will aquire a slight sniffle, today. (A sniffle is a cross between a dachshund and a cairn terrier, bred especially to spot helicopters.) Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Good day to wear tropical fruit on your head. Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Good day to let sleeping dogs lie. After all, the poor things seem to be completely exhausted, most of the time. My dog, Kee Kee, is asleep right now (after a good night's sleep, and a nice morning nap, followed by a good snooze). It's a tough life, but someone's got to do it. Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Today you will become a digger. Dig, dig, dig. That's all you'll think of, for months. You will discover an amazingly large diamond, about 27 feet down, and will be fabulously rich after that. Not that you'll give me any credit, of course. Ingrate! Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you will meet Klive Dinky, the proprietor of Klive Dinky's Tropical Dream Vacation, and Spa Salon. He will turn out to be much shorter than you ever imagined. Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today you will see a free floating full torso vaporous apparition! It'll turn out that your glasses are smudged. Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
The bad news is, you're competing for that new job with a Hindu goddess. The good news is, if you think YOU have trouble figuring out what to do with your hands during an interview... Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will be chased through the streets tonight by a group of wild-eyed short people wearing togas and playing kazoos. Be careful -- they may have escaped from a birthday party, and should be considered armed and dangerous. Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Today you will decide to have a bit of illicit fun, and will slip bits of dry pasta into other people's pockets, shoes, etc., when they're not looking. My advice: don't get caught. Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Good time to compliment your friends. If you can't think of anything else to say, tell them they're looking "very buff." That will leave them pleased, but slightly uneasy, and they'll spend a lot of time looking in the mirror. Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will begin making strange facial expressions, completely unconsciously, in which you push your lips out as far as possible. Also, you will begin spending hours staring at tropical fish.
:D