Mr. Pitiful
09-12-2004, 11:58 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You will accidentally step on someone's foot, and they will say "Ow!". That's when I usually say "No pain, no gain." Sometimes people don't like me. I've never figured out why.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
A haunting melody will float through the air this evening, with no apparent source. It will turn out that a renegade oboe player is hiding in the shrubbery.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Your window of opportunity is rapidly closing! Don't worry too much, though - the front door of possibility is still stuck shut.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will discover that by simply wearing a large amulet made of bones and feathers, and by carrying a blowgun, you can usually get a seat on public transportation, no matter how crowded it gets.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Don't forget your towel, today. I usually find I'm less likely to forget things, if I wrap them around my head. Everyone has their own mnemonic tricks, though.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
As you are walking along, you will notice someone leaning back in a chair. You should stop and insist that they bring their seatback to a full upright and locked position until the captain has turned off a sign.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
After spending days learning to simultaneously pat your head and rub your tummy, you will move on today to patting your head and rubbing someone else's tummy.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
A project you started a while ago takes on nightmarish proportions, today, as you realize that you've been suckered into a hideous task. Fortunately, you will be able to get out of it by feigning death.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Today you will overhear people talking about you, and realize that you're an incredible bore who nobody likes. Go to the library and ask the librarian for advice.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Someone will tell you today "Boy, what a girl goes through to send her brother through proctology school." Despite being forwarned, you won't have anything to say.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Things aren't going as well as they should for you. The main thing to do is to find someone else to blame, and move on.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Beware of the Spanish Inquisition, today. They may show up unexpectedly.
:D
You will accidentally step on someone's foot, and they will say "Ow!". That's when I usually say "No pain, no gain." Sometimes people don't like me. I've never figured out why.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
A haunting melody will float through the air this evening, with no apparent source. It will turn out that a renegade oboe player is hiding in the shrubbery.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Your window of opportunity is rapidly closing! Don't worry too much, though - the front door of possibility is still stuck shut.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will discover that by simply wearing a large amulet made of bones and feathers, and by carrying a blowgun, you can usually get a seat on public transportation, no matter how crowded it gets.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Don't forget your towel, today. I usually find I'm less likely to forget things, if I wrap them around my head. Everyone has their own mnemonic tricks, though.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
As you are walking along, you will notice someone leaning back in a chair. You should stop and insist that they bring their seatback to a full upright and locked position until the captain has turned off a sign.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
After spending days learning to simultaneously pat your head and rub your tummy, you will move on today to patting your head and rubbing someone else's tummy.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
A project you started a while ago takes on nightmarish proportions, today, as you realize that you've been suckered into a hideous task. Fortunately, you will be able to get out of it by feigning death.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Today you will overhear people talking about you, and realize that you're an incredible bore who nobody likes. Go to the library and ask the librarian for advice.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Someone will tell you today "Boy, what a girl goes through to send her brother through proctology school." Despite being forwarned, you won't have anything to say.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Things aren't going as well as they should for you. The main thing to do is to find someone else to blame, and move on.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Beware of the Spanish Inquisition, today. They may show up unexpectedly.
:D