20. Try to sell them a new computer to replace the one that they broke.

19. "Still not used to this whole electricity thing, huh?

18. Proclaim your undying love.

17. Advise the customer to lick the power supply.

16. "So, what are you wearing?"

15. Constantly refer to caller as "Pumpkin."

14. As you look up a part number, whistle loudly in a monotone.

13. "You've got to be kidding."

12. "What you do is get yourself 50p and go and buy a clue.

11. Use baby talk.

10. "I don't get paid enough to deal with jerks like you."

9. Ridicule the inadequacy of the caller's system.

8. "Yo no hablo ingles."

7. Use metaphors based on your experiences with rabid dogs.

6. Laugh maniacally.

5. Twist the callers words to make it seem as if there is no problem.

4. "You're screwed. You're just screwed."

3. Encourage the caller to pound on the CPU casing.

2. Try to set up caller with your second cousin.

1. "How the hell did you get access to a computer?"